A few years back, I was introduced to the movie, Hillbilly Elegy, by a good friend, available on Netflix. The message was simple and heartfelt; the movie was well done. Even though it highlights the social, financial, and interpersonal struggles of people in the Appalachian area, we can all relate to its message because it touches our very own personal and social struggles to overcome our very own life obstacles. For me, the main message of this movie lies in its power to believe in one’s self and pushes one’s self to overcome the apparent and obvious challenges of life. That is not always easy, and it takes a lot of commitment and effort, but we can do it with the right attitude, support system, and willpower — and, of course, the grace of God, too.
Even though this movie does not speak anything about matters of faith, it touches on the reality of self-made pities and defeats. We are often the greatest enemies of our very own selves! We often let our imperfect, hurtful, unfulfilled, or broken past define us and hold us back from true, potential, and humble growth to become the person that we are truly meant to be with the grace of God. Too many times, we have become the people who blame others for how life did not turn out as we would like for it to be; we then choose to give up, self-medicate, or become dependent on something to numb, ease, or distract us from the recognition of our very own brokenness and need for maturity and growth. Too many of us have chosen to live in our own self-created reality, portraying how unfortunate we are, our pitiful existence, and in constant jealousy and envy because we do not have what other people have, that opportunities never presented themselves to us, or how things do not work our ways! It is easy to accept self-defeats and live as if there is nothing left to live for, hence miserable in our very own self-created hell. In those instances, many people have chosen a life of derision, selling themselves short through meaningless, casual, destructive relationships, exchanges, addictions, or self-harm means because they no longer see life as worth living and meaningful.
Many times, too, we choose to let the hurts from our past origins, relationships, and our very own brokenness hold us back and define us. We let the hurts eat us alive and tell us who we are, hence we intake and accept the lies that were given to us without accepting the transformative grace that will set us free! We often let the words and actions of humanity define and enslave us instead of allowing the love of God and His truth to set us free. Too many have not been able to see, realize, and understand the potential we have if we humbly let go and trust in the healing, self-search, forgiveness, and transformative process of conversion. Even though we hate our past or present state, we are too scared of letting it go because we have unhealthily coped and learned to live with it. Unfortunately, miseries will never end until we recognize that we are sick and tired of it! We have to be tired of the insanity, stupidity, dependency, and enslavement of what is holding us back; sick of being manipulated, controlled, and coming back to the very same things that make us miserable and life hellish to truly seek help and humbly ask for assistance.
The mother of the main character in this movie allows herself to be defined by her own addiction, hurtful past, and brokenness. She blames others for her failures and finds comfort in meaningless and constant relationship changes, as well as pharmaceutical and hard drug dependencies. She let the people of her past and their voices who told her what she cannot be, allowing them to define her; therefore, she lives in constant resentment and self-hatred for not being able to rise above their definition and her buy-in of their voices. Nevertheless, the main character was going through a similar path, but his grandmother believes in him. There was a time when he was destructive as a teenager, but his grandmother brought him back to his senses. She invests her livelihood to raise him properly, provide for his basic needs, push him to become more than what he thinks he is at the moment and asks him to work hard to free himself from the place where is in right now! He pushes himself because he has someone who removes him from bad influences, cares, loves, provides, and believes in him. Nevertheless, he also has to believe in himself and challenge himself hard, too.
Too many times, we want to change, but we also want things easy and at our convenience. We have often failed to give ourselves totally and completely to the transformation that is possible by letting go of our past, brokenness, pains, hurts, and pities. That is why it is hard to truly live the life of someone who is sober! Even though the addiction, hurt, pain, or brokenness never goes away, the person who is sober constantly and daily chooses to not be defined and held back by them. He or she chooses sobriety, freedom, and the truth each and every day with the right support, commitment, perseverance, tenacity, and humility to accept his or her real self and its imperfections through the grace of God.
The hardest but most needed step in any recovery program is to be true to one’s self in all its blessings and imperfections. The more we try to hide or run away from reality and our true selves, the easier it is to be tempted to escape, ignore, numb, or medicate one’s self from what hurts the most. The greatest and hardest love is the acceptance of one’s self in all its brokenness and to see ourselves as we are, in need of God‘s grace! That is why we often find the popular motto, “To thine own self, be true” embossed in each and every Alcoholics Anonymous coin given out to members. Without a doubt, sobriety is a daily, personal, and intimate decision not to let our lies, false facade, addiction, brokenness, or whatever is holding us back dictate us and who we are.
The last thing we want to do is to play game with the Almighty, to be someone that we are not! We can lie to others, judge them, and feel righteous, but we cannot lie to God, because when we try to point a finger at others to feel good about ourselves, the other fingers point back at us first. The greatest tragedy is to live our whole life with our own self-righteousness, criticizing others, thinking that we are better than them, and putting ourselves on a pedestal, but never humble enough to confess our faults and be changed with His grace.
We have lost the ability to rest and be recharged holistically because we have not taken the proper time to care for our body and spirit. As typical post-modern people, our body and spirit are in a constant state of flux, never having enough space to rest! Relationships break down because we have lost the needed communication and personal touch that comes from the heart. Many break down psychologically and physically because they have forgotten to care for themselves and be attentive to what their psyche and body are telling them. We cannot pray and hear what God has to say if we never have enough time to open up and use our spiritual senses to listen, see, feel, and touch God and the working of His grace in our life. We often time are too tired when we come to relationship and prayer; therefore, both sides of human and spiritual relationships suffer greatly. Therefore, it is important to know that perhaps what our soul and our body are trying to tell us is that something has to change! We cannot simply go on as we had before if whatever we have been doing is slowly breaking us down, destroying us from all sides, and unhappily bringing us to where we are today.
Over and over again, our innermost being has a great way to remind us that our prayer enriches and deepens our work as we pray and reflect on the true gift of ourselves in both words and actions. Only in prayer do we learn to give the gift of ourselves personally, intimately, and completely without worrying about what we need to do to be the best and most productive. Only in prayer do we learn to embrace our calling and live it out with joy as we offer our whole self, body and soul, as a way to give thanks to God for what He has given to us and share it with our brothers and sisters genuinely and selflessly.
Taking care of one’s self holistically is important because we all need to be honest and embrace who we truly are in order to be who we are called to be in our daily interactions. We are more than what we can do, how we function, or how productive we can be. We love and live fully when we give the truest and most genuine gift of who we are without self-centered pretension, justification, anxieties, and worries. Let us begin our days with prayer as we offer all that we have and will do to God, step back and enrich our days with moments of rest and prayerful reflection, and examine our conscience and spirit by looking back at what happened in order to make a better resolution for the next.
Each day has to begin with God as our strength and joy, sought throughout the day with moments of prayer, as well as our criterion for love as we reflect upon what is really going on. Just as our endurance grows with proper physical exercises, our spiritual senses are fortified by committed and constant times for prayer. Just as our body needs to rest in order to be fully functional, our soul also needs time and space to be focused and in touch with God. Let us, therefore, gauge ourselves with the loving standards of the Lord as we learn to humbly, lovingly, and genuinely care for ourselves as He has loved and cared for us.
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I Thirst (John 19:28) with Father Khoi 