Radical Self-giving Love

In a day and age where we talk much about love, we have also become very confused about what it means to love as well. It has often become a trigger, propaganda, and agenda-driven word that we think we know what we are talking about, but we do not understand what it means to love! I believe we have mistaken true love for sentimental, sensational, affectionate, or even, at best, a human-centered friendship that can only last for so long. Honestly speaking, we all have our limitations and breaking points… Even with our best intentions, we all have days where we want to give up and walk away. At times, what makes us stay true and faithful to our vocation is His loving grace. In short, both sacraments of service, Matrimony and Holy Orders (and consecrated life), exemplify radical self-giving love that is so needed in this world.

Nowadays, people like to talk and use words for the sake of being vocal or simply because they are words. We are living in a day and age where we have more communicative and vocal means to verbalize or write what we think and put them out on the internet or to a wider audience with simple keystrokes and a push of a button. We tend to use words simply because they are words that somehow trigger a common, expected, or desired reaction, emotion, sentiment, or liking. Nonetheless, words have lost their true meanings because we have become a society, and people are overwhelmed and inundated with words. Nonetheless, words have power because they are the reflections and extensions of who we are!

When we say, “YES” – “I do” – “I am,” our words have the power to bind because they are the very extensions of who we are deep from within. Words remain empty and meaningless words that no one cares or believes unless we truly mean and will to believe what we say! If we live with conviction, commitment, devotion, and love, our words become powerful and transformative because we speak with integrity and live them with our very own lives. That is why when we say YES to loving someone and are willing to give ourselves totally and completely in a vocation, we must will to choose to love the other side even when it gets hard. Truly, this is not easy because it takes every effort and personal willingness to stand by our words and to live as we have promised.

First and foremost, we have to remember that marriage or consecrated life is not simply a bid for power or an institutional matter. It is not simply something that we seek, engage, or build for ourselves. It is not dependent on our self-centered willpower, strengths, charms, gifts, benefits, or goods. We all have our limitations and differences, as well as our breaking points, so no matter how much we want or desire perfection, we all have to choose to love beyond liking, desires, or wants. Hence, that is why, for us as Catholics, marriage and consecrated life is a personal, self-giving, and sacrificial answer to Christ’s own invitation to love. It is our VOCATION, for we are answering His call into a very special, particular, challenging, and maturation path of radical love.

A vocation is different than a job or lifestyle, for one can simply walk away or choose another desirable one if there is no more personal commitment, liking, or connection to that particular niche or path. If our vocation is only dependent on us, we will give up when we no longer feel like there are incentives, desires, or willingness to go on. Nonetheless, our vocation is never dependent on us or our liking. Our vocation is the emulation, conformity, and imitation of Christ’s own radical and self-giving love. We try to love one another because He has first loved us!

In his letter to the Ephesians (5:25-33), St. Paul spoke about true respect and love that comes from the heart. He invited the husband and wife to see and understand one another, as to love one another, just like Christ loves the Church. This is the knowledge that the Scripture talks about, not just of information, but a personal and intimate understanding of the other person in loving respect and mutual self-giving. When the husband and wife love one another from the heart, respect, forgive, care, and give themselves genuinely, personally, and intimately to each other like Christ to the Church and she to Him, the couple will be able to overcome their trials and love one another even in the hurts.

In a day and age where too many people just choose to live together because they think their “love” for one another is good enough, we need to remind ourselves that it is much more than human-centered qualities. In a day and age where many argue that matrimony is just an outdated institution, and as long as they have each other, that would be enough, we need to be reminded that it is much more than some legal process or ceremonial matter. In a day and age where it is easy to find many excuses to walk away or give up on what is valuable, we need to strengthen our very own understanding of the domestic church and consecrated life by how each and every one of us is choosing to radically love as He loves!

Society will fail if the family fails. The Church will die if the domestic church dies. Within our very own family unit, the faith life and particular vocations are formed, nurtured, educated, and encouraged. We are taught what it means to love even when it hurts, when life falls apart, when there is not much to like, when it is very tempting to walk away, and when it is important to die to our likings, desires, and wants in order to will the good of others. In our very own domestic church, the vocations of matrimony and consecrated life are enlivened by how we choose to love one another, even when it is hard! Society is strengthened and the Church is enriched when people are respected, loved, and encouraged to give themselves totally and completely as Christ has loved us and calls us to do in our very own lives and particular vocations.

Holy Orders (and consecrated) and married life complement each other because they are both sacraments of service. In both the consecrated and married vocations, we are called to love one another as Christ loves the Church, and the Church loves Christ. We are called to give ourselves totally and completely in a very real, personal, and intimate way! Love is real when it wills the good of the other side, when it chooses to sacrifice, and when it desires to sacrifice and donate oneself totally and completely.

A marriage or consecrated life does not have to be perfect for it to work. As a matter of fact, the day-to-day living of our very own vocations is far away from perfection because life is messy! The consecrated person or married couple can still have small problems as they bicker and struggle with one another or the people they are serving, just as long as they try to will to love or will the good of the people in their lives. We desire and will to love because Christ has first loved us. Nothing makes sense – nothing lasts – nothing matters if we treat them as means and objects of our own self-centered desires, likes, benefits, or wants. There has to be greater, sacrificial, and self-donating love that motivates, grounds, and lifts us up from imperfections, hurts, fallouts, and limitations. That love is Christocentric as we imitate His sacrificial and self-giving love and try to emulate that in our very own vocation and daily life interactions.

Priests and religious give up the potential of having our own spouses and families because we love Christ and want to give our very own lives in service of His Church. It has never been about power because no one in their right mind would ever choose such a lonely-at-times life if it were not a response to His love. In a similar way, no one wants to enter into marriage if it is not Christ who calls them to give themselves totally and completely to their spouses and families. We are all humans, and we like our freedom and benefits. The grass will always seem greener on the other side, and we will feel like we are missing out if we are committed or not as happy as we would have liked, but that is why true love is never about a certain lifestyle nor sets or demands, expectations, desires, sentiments, emotions, and likings. Everything is short-lived and ever-changing, everyone will fall short, but what makes us able to hold on and wiling to be committed and faithful is our very own desire to love and abide with Him. Simply put, even when it hurts and gets hard, we choose to love as He loves because we understand what it means to be loved by Him!

Without a doubt, it is important to love individuals, forgive, and patiently work with one another to overcome the inconsideration, misunderstandings, and hurts caused by life. When we see older consecrated people or couples who have lived their vocations for a long time, we immediately think that it must be easy or they are somehow perfect. Yes, their love is perfected because they are willing to love beyond the things that hinder them. We still bicker and have our own differences, and our love is far from being movie or picture-perfect, but it is worthwhile because we have chosen to endure and love one another just as Christ loves us. Love endures because it is given and received from the heart of the person united in matrimony or consecrated life because we desire and will to endure and be committed when the feelings are gone or emotions are missing at the present moment.