In the last reflection, I talked about the importance of our desire to let go of ourselves, empty our desires to be in control, or wanting to glorify ourselves in order to become more like Christ. Conversion leads to trust, and trust leads to deeper and sacrificial love, confidence in knowing that we are truly free in being disciples of Christ Jesus, sons and daughters of God our Heavenly Father, and instruments of the Holy Spirit. Without a doubt, knowing WHO we are called to be is important, but it is also important to follow up that heartfelt commitment with real, practical, habitual, and personal life of prayer. Without prayer, we will relapse, lose our focus, and be pulled by worldly lies and manipulations. Without prayer, we will never find the time to rest in the Lord and to receive His loving grace.
The life of prayer, therefore, does not come naturally. It has to be developed, committed, and habitual! It means that we have to make time, desire to learn to deepen our commitment to pray, and fine-tune different ways to lift up our hearts to God in the different moments and seasons of life. There are many ways to pray, but none of them will be helpful, impactful, or personally life-changing, life-giving, and life-transformative unless we learn, grow, and mature in our own spiritual life. We can pray as a community of faith through Mass and the different liturgies of the Church. We can pray personally through oral, meditative, or reflective prayer styles. They are all helpful at different times and situations, and that is why knowing the different styles and methods – as well as ourselves – helps us find personal ways to lift up our hearts and unite ourselves to Him in the different moments of life.
Inside the cloistered garden of the Carmelite Sisters in Patzun, Guatemala, there is a big lettered phrase that reminds visitors and the sisters that “It is better to speak to God than to speak about God.” As Carmelites, their spirituality is one of contemplation and prayers, but as missionaries, they are also called to evangelize and preach the Gospel to the poor. This phrase reminds them that they are to pray and have a close, intimate, and personal relationship with God first before they can speak about Him to others. It reminds them that even though they will preach Him to others, it is still better (and very important) that they spend the time to contemplate and pray so that they can listen to what He has to say to them. I find this foundational reminder balanced and important so that they preach the Gospel and not themselves, and they share Jesus Christ, not their own abilities or attractive qualities.
We, too, must be reminded that it is important to deepen and strengthen our relationship with the Lord first before we can speak about Him. There are too many people who easily say that they know about God but have never taken the time to pray and learn about His love. There are too many people who know much about what the Scriptures say or what the Catechism teaches, but they are scared of coming to prayer with a humble, genuine, and trusting heart that truly speaks and listens to the One who loves them. It is hard! Yet, our genuine prayers require the gift of our very own self to Him as to trust, be opened, and willingly embrace all things with the firm resolves to do what is right and just (according to His standards, teachings, and examples), not just what is appealing or beneficial for us.
Our willingness to believe and have faith through prayer at times will take us from our own comfort zone, especially the things we have been so used to or built up for ourselves and others to see, into the desert of trials and temptations – even the uncomfortable nothingness. Yet, when we look back at our own lives, we see that we grow, mature, and find our true foundations in God on the personal level in and through those moments. Perhaps we do not want to hear this, but only when everything that we have grown used to is taken away or not available, we become more focused on WHO is life-giving. In letting go of what is not important to our faith and its spiritual journey toward God, we hold on to WHAT is important. Facing temptation is not easy; going through trials is hard and discouraging at times! We will be shaken, question, or doubt God‘s goodness, but if we just take the time to see, we will discover that we are not alone. He is always with us in and through the temptations and hardships because the desert is not the end; it is simply a transition stage and a place of purification toward the final destination. In our trials and hardships, in our daily struggles with temptations and deceitful attacks of the Devil, we will learn and become stronger when we abide and stay close to the Lord. All the saints went through temptations, and they all had to learn how to fight off the one who deceives and lies; hence, they learned how to sanctify and purify their thoughts and desires through prayerful commitment and trust in Him who loves them. Therefore, let us, too, remember that “it is better to speak to God than to speak about God.” Let us never stop praying, even though it hurts and is dry at times.
To know begins with the ability to listen and be humble, honest, transparent, and vulnerable to God and with ourselves! We cannot pretend or make excuses… We can only seek to be healed, loved, and transformed as we are. We can only be who God wants us to be instead of what others want from us. All of my life, I had found myself distraught, negative, or on the edge of being burnt out, pushed people away, and isolated myself when I could not be honest with who I am in His eyes. I lost my way when I was trying hard to win the favor of others, trying to be in control, or allow others to tell me who I am. Only in surrendering myself as I am – broken, imperfect, but loved by God – did I allow myself to accept love as it is instead of only focusing on how it should be. Only in radical abandonment of my petty will and desire to have things my way did I find out that His grace is enough for me!
I have seen so many people coming to me, asking how to be happy, but they are not willing to let go in order to be content. They want to find true peace, but they are not willing to surrender their control in order to be totally dependent on God as to become what He wants of them. Too many people are too worried about having this or that thing, knowing this or that person, being affirmed or be told by this or that matter to be happy; however, we are not really happy until we let go of lesser things or people telling us what they want from us out of codependency instead of what the Almighty desires of us out of love.
Therefore, find some time to learn about prayer, especially learning from the saints and spiritual masters! Instead of spending time searching, swiping, or scrolling through more meaningless stuff, find the time to learn to develop good personal spiritual habits that will enrich our own journey of faith. In all things, especially in our own personal prayer times, ask ourselves the honest question, “Who does God say that I am?” Do I really know? If I do not, am I willing to learn and seek to understand who I am in Him? We can all begin the journey in letting go, going out of our comfort zone in order to seek, understand, and embrace ourselves as we are in God. It is scary and challenging at times, but we are not alone. Do not be afraid to seek help from others around us as well, especially those who are wise in spiritual matters! All we can ever do is be honest, transparent, and humble in seeking help beyond the typical, redundant, recurring, and apparent issues that give no life nor have any substance. Let us try our best to be perfect in loving and dependent on the Almighty – one step at a time.
(Part 2 of 5)
I Thirst (John 19:28) with Father Khoi 