Working, caring, and ministering in a pluralistic environment is challenging at times. To be a priest in an environment where we cannot talk, share, and advise people directly and solely based on the tenets of our faith and belief is hard at times. Of course, we can talk about faith on a private and personal level, but when we are to exercise our role as chaplains and officers, we are called to be considerate of those who do not share our same doctrinal beliefs and profession of faith, especially those who do not believe in God or do not like to talk about Him at all. In a stressful and challenging environment, dealing with broken people, but not being able to lean on faith first and foremost, does require some creativity. However, I believe that we can genuinely remain who we are, truthful and faithful, to our mission as Christ’s disciples when we approach ministry and care with Christian charity and respect.
Coming from a culture (Viet Nam) where respect is embedded in different communal, personal, interpersonal, and inter-generational levels, I find it is very important and foundational to who we are as human beings! Furthermore, coming from a country and part of the world where Christianity is not the majority but a minority also taught me that we cannot assume that other people share our same values and perspectives. While we can differ on how we live our lives and belief in a higher being, or how we are to see the world with or beyond ourselves, I think we can all go back to what us really human, which is the ability to care and respect others. The Golden Rule applies to all because it sets us apart from barbaric lifestyles, demeanors, and actions toward the civilized, normal, and anthropocentric approach that is based on dignity, respect, and dialogue.
Too many times, we like to think that we are the only ones who have the answers to all matters, the only ones who are right, and the only ones who are better than others. Unfortunately, both extremes of the political spectrum seem to think that they are the only ones who are right and the other ones are evil, stupid, ignorant, unpatriotic, and not American enough. Sadly, but true, we have lost the foundational understanding of respect, dignity, dialogue in moderation, allowing one extreme group to be vocal and moving to the next. We have allowed the pendulum of influence and control to swing from one extreme to the next, but do not take the time to listen and be respectful with one another!
It is important, first, to recognize that America is a melting pot and we are a pluralistic society. Therefore, it is crucial for us to understand other people’s backgrounds, identities, values, and perspectives in order to respectfully listen and dialogue with them instead of yelling, condemning, and accusing others. We must learn not to react to one extreme with another by learning to share, listen, be present, and have an open forum with others. It is hard to be uncomfortable, especially when we are being plucked out of our comfort zone, worldview, understanding, and enclosed way of life! Hence, it requires us not to be childish, egocentric, and vocal for the sake of accusing others, but to really will to learn, see, understand, and comprehend a bigger picture beyond our blind spots, preconceptions, and ignorance. We do so by empowering ourselves with more knowledge and interpersonal skills to understand and appreciate others, especially in recognizing and respecting their differences and similarities within, among, and between our different groups.
In my own priestly ministry, whether it is in a parish or military setting, I have been challenged to grow in my creativity to minister, care, and approach people with more sensitivity, respect, emotional maturity, affective empathy, and situational awareness to see the bigger picture than what I tend to judge, conclude, and made assumptions for the sake of my own personal preferences and likings. A great leader or a person who earns others’ respect is one who does not discount or ignore others, alienate their own allies, and offend them with egocentric or authoritative arrogance, and antagonize public opinions for the sake of getting things his or her way. As a matter of fact, a great leader or a respected person is able to understand and know the people around him or her, strengthen the relationship with his or her allies and friends, and be considerate of his or her own actions so that the enemies cannot preemptively manipulate and strike. Hence, a great leader is the one who is able to be respectful of others and gain the trust of his or her colleagues and subordinates. If we take the time to care, understand, and communicate with one another properly, we will stop being defensive in order to be vocal, offensively hurtful toward people to get things our way, or selfishly demand obedience from others because of our egocentric and childish behaviors.
This is not to say that, if we act and treat other people with respect, they somehow are supposed to return the favor and be respectful toward us. This is not to say that people will somehow be kind and considerate toward us when we treat them with dignity and sensitivity. Trust me, I have seen other people who continue to be ugly, mean, degrading, bullying, oppressive, controlling, and self-centered even when I respect them. There are small-minded, inconsiderate, pitiful, or miserable people who dislike themselves, others, and the world too much to care about others. It is easier for them to hurt others to feel good about themselves, to numb the miseries, or ignore the pains that they are hiding deep within.
It will, indeed, be very hard to choose to love those who are not like us. However, we practice charity, not for their sake, but as a personal response to what God has given to us! We care because this is who we are and what we are called to be as Christians. Hence, at those moments, with those hard-to-love people, and with challenging situations that push us to our limits, I would like to invite you to contemplate these three virtuous foundations.
First, continue to be genuine and be grounded in God through a life of prayer because we cannot give others what we do not possess, and we cannot choose to be charitable with those who are hard to love if we are grounded in Him. Only by listening to Him, lifting up our hearts, and allowing ourselves to receive His love can we have the grace to give to others what we have received from the Lord. Even if we do not like the people who are challenging, those who do not love us, or the ones we find hard to love, we are able to pray for them, so that God changes them just as He is changing us. Second, continue to be faithful to the life of worship, seeking the sacramental grace and what He has given to us at Mass. Truly, we can bring others as gifts, offerings, and treasures to be offered in unity with the Holy Sacrifice. The same efficacious grace given to us from the loving heart of God has the power to change those whom we unite and offer up in, with, and through His sacrifice! And last of all, remain humble, genuine, and real, even if our intentions are misunderstood, dismissed, or rejected.
Please always remember that God knows our hearts and He sees our deepest desires and intentions; therefore, let us be real, honest, transparent, and humble before Him. Too many in this world are hiding their pride, using His word, to attack others or to lift themselves up on a pedestal, but too few are willing to be genuinely humble in loving others as Christ has loved. Therefore, do not be afraid of what others do not see, but how we are honest with Him who loves us and sees our hearts.
What I am proposing to you is still challenging for me! I still struggle with being loving, charitable, forgiving, kind, respectful, and compassionate toward others. I have been questioned by those who have no faith, thinking that I am here to impose my faith on them, and attacked by those who seem to have faith because I am not as I should be in their eyes. At the end of the day, I cannot please everyone, nor is it my job to change them because I am not God. All I can do is to live my faith and allow my imperfect, broken, but genuine love to be the unspoken and personal sign of who I am as a Christian and believer. My brothers and sisters, this world is so in need of you, especially your genuine faithfulness and truthfulness, so that we can all dare to live what we believe instead of wasting time with empty words.
I Thirst (John 19:28) with Father Khoi 