When I told my parishioners in one homily in the past, the reason why I am still a priest today is that I am a cockroach. They all laughed, and some of the kids even went, “Eww!” I used them as an example because, even though those little critters are nasty, they are also resilient. They can live in the most harsh of conditions, and even survive a nuclear outbreak. They might not be pretty, clean, cute, or good-looking, but they do remind us that we need to be resilient in order to truly be in this world.
I think it is a great reminder that we do not always get to live life as we would have liked, and there will be days that we will need to persevere, endure, and try to survive, but that does not mean that life is not worth living. Even though the world can be cruel at times, and people will wrong us, that does not mean that there is no beauty and purpose beyond what is happening right in front of us. Please let me be the first person to admit to you that it sucks to go through the most painful, harsh, and challenging experiences in life. There will be days when we will ask ourselves (and God), “When will it end?” There will be days when it looks like darkness is all around us and there is no light at the end of the tunnel. There will be days when we doubt whether the storm will end at all.
When life gets tough, we have to remember not to give up just yet. When things get hard, go back to the basics and find the will to be faithful to what gives you and me life. This is where discipline and the willingness to persevere come into play! There will be days when we want, hope, or desire the trials to end, but all we can do is focus on our small victories, blessings, lessons, and disciplines. If we do not discipline our psyche and spirit, they will become weak, vulnerable, and easy to be attacked, manipulated, and lied to by the evil ones when trials and hardships come. Just like physical exercises and disciplines, we need to train ourselves in small, consistent, realistic, and firmly grounded practices of cardinal and theological virtues in order to be strong in body, mind, and spirit.
In our daily battles against what could go wrong, it is important that we find solace in the small matters that would motivate, ground, and give us life. Things can fall apart and not go right, but if we strengthen ourselves and find comfort in faith, those simple acts of perseverance will help us be resilient and survive when times get tough. Each and every day, we can begin it right and try to find small blessings that give us some solace to end it right. It is important that we do not just aim for lofty dreams or idealistic goals of somewhere, somehow, or sometime in the future, but do what we can to face the daily ups and downs that are in front of us. If we only focus on matters that are not realistic for us, we will lose our minds and get our spirits crushed with the things that are not really attainable in the first place.
Second, reality has its own way to remind us that none of us is immune to life’s tragic moments, often at times when we least expected them or when we thought that we had tried so hard to avoid them. If life can teach us one thing, it teaches us that it is way out of our control, and it is very messy. That is why NONE of us can go through life alone! We were never meant to go through it alone, because we will definitely fail and give up if it is only dependent on us. Even the military recognizes this important reality, and that is why it emphasizes teamwork. In the Air and Space Forces, they use terms like “be a good wingman” or “connection” in order to emphasize our need to take care of one another and be connected with each other. So many tragedies happened when people isolated themselves and lost their connections with those who care for them! If we can learn and relearn a lesson, it should be the very one of humility in asking for help, being of help for others, and never forgetting those people who helped us along the way. In spiritual terms, we call that inter-connectivity the communion of saints because it goes much more than our humanistic, worldly, or social orders, because we do have friends who are caring, loving, supporting, praying, and doing their best to guide us on our faith and life journey — even when we cannot see them.
Third, it is easy to blame our undesirable lot on some outside forces, misfortunes, or other people in life. It is easy to give up and stop trying because we believe that we are miserable and God is against us. It is easy to think that we were never given what it takes by our parents, family, or past for the present moment. Nonetheless, that is a pitiful lie because no one can be taught or given everything for a perfect life, for everyone struggles, but the greatest heroes are the ones who choose to rise above and deal with life’s unfairness in real, personal, and courageous ways! Even when we do not get what we want, no matter how hard we try or how good we are, do not give up, become pitiful, complain, or blame it on others; just take a deep breath, stand tall, and move on.
So many of life’s valuable lessons are not learned in school or through information-based classes, systems, or ideologies; they are often learned through our very own mistakes and failures. We cannot always have it all together and have things our way, no matter how much we have prepared and tried our best. We have to humbly recognize that NO ONE is immune to failures and mistakes, but we can all learn from them. For every failure and mistake, we can learn many valuable lessons that come from them. True leaders must learn from life and its trials and hardships, especially the mistakes made, so we do not become so full of ourselves, but learn how to be humble and persevere. It is crucial that we learn not to be afraid to try again or make the next tough decision.
Fourth, we often like to compare ourselves with other people who we think are better than we are. We become pitiful and resentful because we think that we do not have a life together like them. We end up being envious or jealous of them. Nonetheless, please let me assure you that no one has a perfect life, and what seems idealistic is not always the best. I have learned this the hard way on the personal level, and I can attest from my pastoral experiences that everyone has his or her own struggles. Contrary to popular beliefs and opinions, the ones who are most vocal, appealing, or influential do not really give us any depth or realistic tools to embrace the truth. Passion and its vain appeals do not give life; they only make us feel good for a while! We have to be courageous to stand our ground and face the ugly and realistic truth of life’s messiness and imperfections, because that courage is found within us, because His grace is more than enough for us. When the going gets tough, we have to dig deep and find our hope in Him, have faith to trust in His providence, and choose to love when it gets hard… then, and only then, will we find the unexplainable courage and abundance of grace to face the world.
So oftentimes, the strongest of us all are the people who are not idolized, highlighted, or influential like others. At times, the most ordinary, quiet, reserved, or humble people are the toughest because they do not worry about proving themselves. What measures a person’s real strength cannot be seen on the outside, because the quality of their soul and depth of their wisdom can only be learned and appreciated — heart to heart.
Life is filled with many struggles, and the potential for failure and mistakes is always present. However, if we lived in a pitiful reality of being afraid or not willing to step outside of our own comfort zone, we would never learn anything that is valuable and worthwhile. We have to be fine with hardship, failure, and even embarrassment, willing to learn and push our limits, else we will never see the bigger horizons and know what is truly possible and real in life.
(To be continued — part 1 of 2)
I Thirst (John 19:28) with Father Khoi 