Mentoring and Guiding the Future

One of the things I see missing in the Church is a genuine desire to guide and mentor the future generations. It is neglected at many different levels, from the lower ministerial and parochial to the wider and universal ecclesiastical levels. We might be good at teaching religious education and formation events, creating and nourishing parish programs and ministries, host retreats and spiritual enrichment opportunities, but we lack that personal, genuine, and effective mentorship to form the future generations of believers, disciples, apostles, apologists, those who are changing the world with their faith, transforming society with their hope, serving one another with charity and love, and especially in being saints in the world. I would like for us to imagine, and perhaps put into practice, what the Church and the world can be if each and every one of us personally chooses to care, mentor, and guide the future generation…

One of the things I appreciate the most in the military, especially when it is done right, is the expectation for good supervisors and higher leadership to take care of their subordinates’ career progression and development. Of course, not everyone has the altruistic intention, and some only do it because it benefits them to lead award-winning, capable, and recognized teammates. Some will do it because it looks good on them… but at least there is a basic and foundational expectation to take care of your subordinates, whether one truly cares or not.

Of course, there are bad supervisors, leaders, and commanders out there, and not everyone is perfect. I have seen those who take advantage of their people to build up their own reputation, recognition, and glory, and are willing to hurt others who try to stand in their way. I had supervisors who only yelled at us when we did something wrong, but never took the time to teach us to do better. I had leaders who told us to “Figure it out!” by ourselves, but never took the time to guide us to figure things out. I had upper management who quickly chewed us out and blamed us for mistakes or when things did not go their way, making us feel stupid, belittled, and as trash to make themselves feel better or superior. As a matter of fact, they are everywhere in this world — in the society, workplace, military, and even the Church!

However, most of the military supervisors and leaders do understand their duty to at least do the right thing or try to take care of their troops on a professional level, even when they might ignore or not care about them on a personal level. I have also seen good leaders who dare to lead and help their people grow, mature, and at times stretch to new levels and opportunities. I have been pushed outside of my comfort zone and called to do things that I do not personally like, desire, or prefer because they want me to see a wider perspective of what it means to be a chaplain for all and an officer on the professional and administrative levels. I did not always like what was asked of me, and sometimes I just had to shut up, learn to color, and embrace the suck, but I always appreciated when my leadership took the time to explain to me why they thought it was important. We might not always see eye to eye on things, but we learn to do what is necessary for the team!

Sometimes, we were put into situations that were beyond our pay grade, skill set, abilities, and responsibilities, but we learn to adapt, overcome, and do the best that we are able. I might not always appreciate the situations we were put in, but they helped us grow, and it helped when we had leaders who cared, mentored, and guided us. They did not remove the obstacles or hardships we had to face. They knew that many of us did not want to be babied or appreciate being micromanaged, so they allowed us the time and space to learn and grow as necessary. Many times, they left us to figure things out ourselves and ask for guidance when needed. They did what was asked of them,  which was to do their best to take care of us on the professional level with the usual military award, recognition, development, and progression matters.

I had a great (Protestant) command chaplain who was very respectful, encouraging, and supportive of who I am as a priest. He reminded me of who I am and the added value I bring to the team as a priest, as well as to find rest, to focus on God, and not to be discouraged by the whole military bureaucracy side of the house that, many times, does not capture or understand how we minister and care for others. He stretched me in many ways to hone in my “extra” military skills like contracting, project management, and doing things outside of the typical priestly and chaplain duties, so I could understand what it means to be an officer as well.

He pushed all of his team to work hard, and he worked hard himself, too. However, he would remain professional, respectful, always do more than what he asked of us, and take care of us in professional ways. He said it was his duty as a steward of the gifts, talents, sacrifices, and blessings that we gave to the team. He reminded us that he knew that we were not doing things for the formal, military recognitions, but it was his responsibility to highlight, advocate, and let higher leadership see our contributions to the greater mission.

I had another command chaplain who reminded us, when we were on deployment, of these simple life and leadership lessons that were important for him and his military career as a chaplain:

1. Love God, love people.
2. Leadership is a privilege. It isn’t likability, but it does help!
3. There are no such things as blind intents, so learn to communicate and dialogue.
4. Don’t be stupid, be a turd, or be a stupid turd.
5. Follow higher standards and be transparent with one another.
6. Learn to cooperate with one another without compromising one’s particular faith foundations and values.
7. Treasure the diversity of backgrounds, experiences, and thoughts. Learn to innovate through encouragement and empowerment.
8. Build and maintain trust. Do things on purpose with lasting impacts. Nurture networking and strategic relationships. Advocate for your teammates, remove obstacles, and open doors for them.
9. Don’t micromanage, but learn how to tell the story well. Your team doesn’t necessarily know how to cook the chili, but does want to know the special ingredients.
10. Learn to lead without hand-holding, avoid rash and reactive measures, and use progressive discipline when needed.

Interestingly, the command chaplains who made an impact on my life are not Catholics. They took the time to get to know me, not afraid to dialogue and have hard conversations; but most important of all, they treated me with dignity and respect as a fellow chaplain and brother in arms. Sadly, sometimes Catholic priests (whether in the military, diocesan, or even religious community settings) tend to be less helpful to one another. I do not understand why, but they somehow worry that their brother priests are burdensome, might outshine them, or at least they remain reserved and do not help one another out as much. They can, at times, make everything feel like a lecture and talk down on younger ones, or simply use them as a way to vent or express their frustrations. Furthermore, we sometimes end up being targets of self-centeredness, career-seeking, self-serving agendas with backstabbing, gaslighting, or similar worldly approaches. Too many like to keep “trade secrets” close to their hearts instead of sharing the wisdom with younger generations. I ask myself the real reason why many times! It is sad… I wonder why more seasoned priests cannot share with young ones their lessons learned, their failures, what made them better, and what worked, so the current and future generations do not have to figure them all out themselves again.

Great leaders empower people, even at times challenging and stretching them, help them to understand their parts in the bigger picture, but always dialogue and allow their teammates to know the real reason why they matter and why it is important to embrace the suck at times. Real leaders care and take care of others as good stewards instead of only objectifying, manipulating, or using them for their own gains. It takes a personal commitment to lead with duty, honor, respect, and careful discernment for the greater good of their team. Indeed, it is rarely seen even though it is so needed!

To be honest with you, I have not seen good mentorship and guidance in priestly ministry. We might receive philosophical and theological education, human and spiritual formation, and pastoral care opportunities in the seminary setting, but it seems like it all goes by the wayside when we become priests. As a matter of fact, priests tend to resent, resist, and dislike those professional development programs or opportunities because they are asked to go to another lecture series, classroom setting, or something along the line of the academic or program-based route. They are already tired of the daily grind with administrative duties and pastoral care responsibilities, so they do not want to go to another program to learn about some impersonal skillset. I see within the Church a lack of older and more experienced priests who are willing to be big brothers to their younger priests to care, mentor, and guide them in a holistic and more personal way.

Of course, I will be the first one to admit that it is not always easy to provide mentorship and guidance to young priests because too many of them are still arrogant, hot-headed, or think too highly of themselves as if they are the ones to save the Church and fix the mistakes made by older priests. Trust me… I know, because I used to be one of them, as with many of my classmates and the ones who got ordained after me! Nonetheless, good mentors and guides are willing to build personal relationships of trust, have dialogue and conversation to understand and see the other side, and allow failures, frustrations, and creative tensions to happen, but still gently, wisely, and prudently guide the younger ones to grow as they are able in the present moment. Maturity is a holistic, organic, slow, and, many times, painful process that cannot be learn in the classroom or program-based models. Pastoral wisdom, prudence, and experience are learned with time and mistakes, but with caring guides and mentors walking along the way.

Therefore, I would dare to ask you to imagine the unimagined possibilities that we could have if we choose to lead, care, mentor, guide, and direct future generations of priests and believers with personal commitment. I believe we do a decent job in teaching our future generations with a lot of the hows and whats, but have forgotten to hand on and show them real wisdom that has been tested and tried with life’s ups and downs. We might teach them the skillset in a lecture or classroom setting, but we lack the personalization to take care of them and help them see their identities, roles, and parts in the Church, society, and world at large.

We are the Church that has both a mission and an identity. That means we are not just a gathering place or a social, bureaucratic institution. We are called to be disciples, receiving what has been handed on to us and discerning how to evangelize and make known the Gospel message here and how. We do this through a committed and deepened habit of prayer and adoration, honoring the struggles of those who have gone before us to help us have the freedom of worship here and now, avoiding entitlement and privilege, and truly embracing the personal love of the truth and holiness. We are strong when we are focused and trust in one another; however, we are divided and weak because we are too worried about our particular likes or agendas, thus losing sight of our true mission and communion with one another. We are the Church because we have been saved and redeemed by Jesus Christ, called together to love and help one another achieve holiness by loving one another and the Lord through acts of genuine, reciprocal sacrifice and service.

When we reach out to care, embrace, and serve one another, we, in turn, receive and encounter the Lord who is present in each encounter. Charity has the power to open the gates to heaven because it is a living act of faith, that what we have received at the Eucharistic altar is shared and given in every day, intentional, and willing acts of service. This is what makes us the Church, the sacramental living of faith, so that what we have received at Mass and the sacraments is shared and enlivened. Despite our differences, the challenges of this world, our flaws and failures, our friendship and care for one another sanctify our imperfections and give us the foretaste of heaven by learning how to embrace each other in Christ-centered peace.

We change the world by making our Church and families, especially our relationships and communion with one another, counter-cultural through the intentional acts of self-giving love and sacrificial willingness to embrace the good of others. In the midst of many things that try to pull us apart and lock each and every one of us within our own self-centered worries and reservations, the Church is present to us as a family of faith. She is a reminder that we are not alone, and we are called to walk with one another in this mysterious (but grace-filled) journey of faith together. Therefore, let us will and desire to give ourselves in being the Church to be one of intentional discipleship, as well as faith-centered, community-oriented, and service-motivated love, so that we can truly be called His disciples in loving Him through our care of one another. May we learn to patiently and wisely guide and hand on the invaluable experience and faith to future generations by how we mentor, dialogue, and love one another.