“My Peace I Give You…”

Peace is not the absence of war, violence, or persecution. It is not simply found in a man-made or ideological utopia. It is much deeper than something that is sentimental or emotional. Our true peace is found in God and His faithful love for us. Even when life gets hard, we can still seek, desire, and live in His loving peace when we choose to do what is right and just. As a matter of fact, peace is the fruit of justice, to be able to choose to do what is proper and good when we do not get what we want and things do not go our way. Therefore, we find peace when we are able to find rest in Him, to ground ourselves in His faithfulness, and to receive from Him what this world can never promise or able to fill.

There was a time in my life when I was struggling a lot in my own faith journey, questioning my self-worth, my identity, my future, and God‘s goodness, because a person who was in a position of authority was set out to harm me. I was so worried that I was crippling deep from within. I let the fears and threats control me because the person was using something that I held dear to dictate their will and narrative toward me. In the midst of my desolation, I went to ask for help from my spiritual director. It took a good while for me to let go of my own fears and reservations to really trust that God is in control, and that He wills my good.

His advice saved me from my own despair, doubt, and hopelessness caused by the situation and relationship. I really wanted to give up, leave, and just abandon everything at that time. That person made me question and doubt whether I am a good priest or not, because anything and everything that I did was a cause of frustration, anger, irritation, or agitation. That person threatened me with the thing I value the most in this life and used it to make my life worse. I lost many nights of sleep, was so worried and distracted in my own prayers because of anxiety and frustration, and I could not be happy because I allowed that person’s judgment and portrayal of my character to define me instead of who I truly am in front of God. At that moment in life, I have allowed human voices and dictations to control, manipulate, and lie to me instead of listening to His own voice. I let the vocal and threatening voices to silent and muffle the only voice that gives me peace and rest. I have allowed humanity and its selfishness, no matter how good the intention, to dictate and control my life, hence shutting out God‘s love when I needed it the most.

Even in the midst of a very dark and challenging time, there was a deep sense of peace, for He affirmed that I am where I need to be, and the things that are going on now are simply parts of life. He affirmed what my heart yearns for, to be a priest serving His people, and let go of the things that I cannot change or are beyond my control. It was both comforting and hard because it was what I needed to hear, but at the same time, it invited me to embrace what I would not necessarily like to accept at the moment. I still struggle with what the Lord said that day, knowing that what He said is true, yet to embrace the creative tensions that still exist in life. This is where my humanity comes in and where questions arise because I so want things to be my way or easier to handle. Yet, the Lord asked me to be in the storm, prioritizing my focus by remembering what I am called to do instead of worrying about the things that are beyond my control. Hearing God speak is both satisfactory and challenging because it is the loving truth that is hard to swallow, since He always leaves the conversation, inviting me to grow where He would like me to be!

He continued to love me through the people who cared for and loved me more than myself. He gave me life through those who were around me when I thought there was nothing really to live for! God allowed me to receive and be loved when I was so shortsighted and blinded by the mountains of problems and heavy storms of life. He was always present and loving me even when I was so occupied, worried, frustrated, scared, angry, and doubtful of whatever was going on. He was always present and never left, even when I was questioning Him and His providential loving care for me. He kept on loving me even when I failed to recognize and doubt His goodness.

Life will not be easy, and choosing a life in God means conforming ourselves to the truth, and what He calls us to be is extremely hard. The evil ones know it, and they will do all that they can to discourage and deter us from giving ourselves totally and completely to Him who loves us so much! That is why, no matter what is going on in your own lives right now, no matter how hard it can be at times, do not give up and give in. Each and every one of us will have to remind ourselves of the ultimate price that we are willing to pay, endure, and willing to bear in order to truly be free, honest, true, and simple as He wants of us and desires for us. It will not be easy, and we will waiver, question, or doubt His goodness and plan, but no one can ever rob us away from the love that we have in Him who truly loves, will, and desires our ultimate good beyond any and every one of our imaginations! At times, all we can do is cry or feel overwhelmed when things get hard, and all we can ever say is, “Lord, why…?!?” Nevertheless, do not give up and keep on fighting for He is with you and me. We might not be loved, understood, and appreciated by all, but if our conscience is honest and true, keeping our way straight and narrow with people who love us and keep us accountable, we can continue to humbly walk with the Lord who is the One who will justify, vindicate, and save us from all evils.

We can only have peace with ourselves, be able to love others genuinely, and learn to live in true harmony when we know what is important in life, why we believe, who is the source of our trust, and where we are going. When we know the essential foundations of our identity, we will be able to discern through both prayer and virtue what is necessary to put our faith values to work in the here and now of our world. Without genuine faith, we become a self-centered, hypersensitive, fragile, and vocal world, where everyone only cares about themselves, uses others as needed, and tries their best to be known. Our relationships will suffer, as well as our true identity, because we have been trying too hard to be someone else than our very own self, created in the image and likeness of God, willed into being and loved by Him.

Therefore, let us remember the promise of our Lord Jesus Christ that we are not orphans, for we are not alone. He will never abandon us, and even in our hardest trials, we will not be forgotten! Through the power and working of the Holy Spirit, may we become more Christlike in our words and actions so as to give ourselves, share our gifts, and serve those who are seeking Him and those who are put in our lives. May we also recognize the beautiful, unpretentious, and loving care of God who embraces, leads, and guides us in ways that we cannot comprehend at the moment, so we can humbly trust, give ourselves, and open our hearts up to His works in us. May the love of God change you and me so we can, in turn, become the life-giving love for others.