What Does Success Look Like for You?

Usually, graduation speeches seem to be generic, canned, or typically predictable. I have been to so many military and civilian graduation ceremonies that I can tend to guess what the speech is going to be about. Occasionally, some speakers go above and beyond the typical and share from the heart the experiences that make their message personal and relatable. I believe a heartfelt message is more memorable and relatable, and this particular speech really left an imprint on me.

While taking out a small metal toy truck from his child, the commander shared that it made him change his speech. He shared that it was left in his uniform pockets by his child when he was heading out on a short duty tour. That small, innocent, but thoughtful gesture made him reflect much on what is important in his own life. He shared his thoughts with the graduates as an “old-timer” who made a career in the military, as a commander, and as someone who had seen a lot.

He asked the graduates, “What does success look like for you?”

As young enlisted and commissioned members, success often looks like making more money, earning more ranks, titles, duties, and influences. As young people, many are worried and occupied with earning and making a name for themselves. Nonetheless, a life that chases after those things often leaves them empty-handed, sad, frustrated, bitter, resentful, or alone because many relationships have been burnt, forgotten, abandoned, manipulated, objectified, or sacrificed for the sake of their career.

Unfortunately, many who became so career-focused that they burnt through relationships and marriages that they oftentimes end up alone. At times, too, they are respected and loved by their peers and colleagues, but their home life ended up in shambles because their spouse and children never get any meaningful time with them. There are so many people who could never walk away from work that they never know or have a life beyond their work and professional life. Nonetheless, at the end of the day, none of that really matters.

I have seen people who want to live their whole life being perfect and well-loved parents who can be labeled as friends of their children. I have seen so many dedicated parents who are willing to spend their whole lives so that their children can be successful and achieve whatever they have their minds set on. Unfortunately, helping our children and young people chase after earthly vanities, achievements, and glories does not really help them at all. If they spend their whole life trying to make a name for themselves, they will never be happy because they never know their self-worth, dignity, purpose, and mission that are beyond anything that the world could ever give or afford to them.

So, this leads me toward my own version of the question for you: “What type of inheritance do you want to leave to our future generation?” Do we really want them to spend their whole life chasing after vanities and worldly affirmations in order to seek their shallow, opinionated, temporary, and superficial affirmations, acceptances, and manipulative enslavement? If we do not teach them their dignity and worth beyond what this world asks of them, it will always rob and enslave them with its lies, insecurities, and meaningless nothingness. So, from that one question, I would like to ask you:

What do we live for? Who is our inheritance? How are we living our lives to leave things that really matter to our children? When it comes time for us to go, are we ready, or are we too attached to this world? Where do we put our trust and find our peace?

If we never reflect on what gives life, we will always let this world dictate and manipulate us with the constant bombardment of vain nothingness. Success means different things to different people. Inheritance, the things that matter to us the most, is not something that can be quantified or measured with worldly means. As a matter of fact, the people who make the most impact in our lives leave us little to nothing in quantifiable means but a treasure trove of qualitative values and riches that this world can never rob, steal, or manipulate us.

One of my role models was my paternal grandfather. Even though he was not a perfect man (because he was too proud and fixed in his way at times), he was a faithful and devoted man. He was faithful to his duties and responsibilities to his Catholic faith, and devoted to his country and family. Because of his beliefs, he ended up losing a lot after the fall of South Viet Nam. He also lost his own siblings due to the war, including ones who were murdered by the communists. Nonetheless, the one thing that he never lost and never gave up was his Catholic faith. No matter what happened in life, he remained faithful until the end.

One of the things that he loved to do was to attend Mass daily. I remembered walking with him to Mass every day when I was off from school for the summer (in Viet Nam). Even when he moved to the United States, he never gave up this spiritual practice. He used to drive himself to the noon Mass at the Cathedral in Wichita, Kansas. While his English was limited, he went out of his way to make sure that he would do his best to prepare for the Holy Sacrifice. Using a dictionary, he tried to look up the words he did not understand. He looked up the Mass readings ahead of time and read them from his own Bible in Vietnamese. Even though my grandfather did not understand much of the homily, he loved being able to attend Mass.

So, it really broke his heart when he could no longer drive to Mass. Nonetheless, we found a way for him to listen in so he would still make the best of the situation. Even though he would not be able to receive the Eucharist each day, he still prepared himself well to attend Mass over the radio. My grandfather was very faithful and reminded us often about our spiritual duties and responsibilities in being Catholics.

A few days before passing away, he had to be rushed into the hospital due to a failing heart valve. I went back to Wichita to give him the Sacrament of the Anointing of the Sick. I remembered asking him whether he would like me to still go to Viet Nam to work with Mother Teresa‘s sisters (because I had made a prior commitment to the sisters before his health failure), not expecting that he would answer me since he was going in and out of consciousness. To my surprise, he opened his eyes and squeezed my hand as a sign to tell me to go. A few days later, he passed away on All Souls Day.

My grandfather reminded me often of being faithful to my vocation as a priest. He would never create any obstacles or stand in front of my ministry. As a matter of fact, he reminded me to not forget my duties and encouraged me to be diligent in my priestly ministry to serve the People of God, even when I was at home on vacation. My grandfather lost much in his life. He had very little at the end of his life. Nonetheless, the greatest gift that I inherited from him was that very gift of faith. It might seem like nothing in the eyes of the world, but for me, it was everything that defined who he was and what was valuable to him!

Therefore, I would invite you to reflect on what is truly important for you and what you would like to hand on to the future generations. If we do not teach our children who they truly are, made in the image and likeness of God, they will forever be lost trying to become what the world wants of them! The Almighty is not wrong when He created us. He knows us before we were formed in our own mother’s womb. He loves us into being, so we are called to love and return everything that we have back to Him in how we choose to answer His calling and follow Him.

If there is one thing that can be remembered about us, how will we be remembered? How would we define our success? What would be our inheritance to our children and the future generations? If I have learned one thing, having many opportunities to listen to many different people and try to help them through the different challenges, obstacles, and trials of life, it is that the little personal, invaluable, intangible, and heartfelt gifts will be remembered and treasured. Therefore, let us not be worried about secondary matters but hand on the personal gift of faith that will give life and help our young people find their dignity, self-worth, mission, and purpose that are deeply rooted and grounded in God.