Being a priest and working with people who struggle with substance abuse or dependency problems, I can reassure you that they are some of the most courageous people in this world. Being vulnerable, transparent, genuine, honest, and held accountable by others is not easy. It is not easy to look back at one’s problems, own up, and embrace the hurt even though it hurts so much deep from within. It is not easy to allow faith to lead one to a radical trust and self-abandonment of God‘s goodness and loving grace instead of being held back by self-imposed and centered fears and reservations. It is not easy to choose to love one’s self with all the brokenness and imperfections, without bitterness, blame, or resentment. Nonetheless, this journey of true self-knowledge leads to an inner understanding of freedom, healthy relationships and boundaries, and especially the necessary supports. I state this “hidden” reality because I have seen too many hurting people who seem to be very righteous and proper on the outside, but they often use faith as a weapon instead of truly believing and giving themselves to God in love. Therefore, it is very important to recognize, understand, embrace, and be willing to choose to believe instead of simply using objective faith for other lesser purposes.
First, let us recognize that in the day and age of instantaneous communication and a fast-moving world, we tend to react more quickly when something is happening. We have been trained and told to fix our eyes on the apparent problems and try to solve them as soon as possible. Furthermore, even in our very own workplaces and news outlets, we are constantly being fed information and news that are very negative. Hence, it is very easy to naturally absorb what is being fed to us and emulate the typical attitude that is proper to the environment around us. When we lack patience, it is very easy to become reactive and vocal when we see something wrong, especially ones that irritate and tick us the wrong way.
Nevertheless, we have become people who easily get mad and vocal — talking, attacking, and defending our views — on anything and everything because we have become so bored and hopeless in life. Talking about issues and others is easier because we do not have to reflect on ourselves. Attacking others and becoming defensive on things that do not matter deep from within is very easy. They are easy distractions because they do not have to be changed for our own sake and our own good. Without a doubt, I have learned throughout my years and numerous interactions with others who are hurting that if someone tends to be on edge, mean, or like to talk about others, they simply ignore and dismiss what is hurting them deep from within.
People tend to hurt and blame others when broken and hurt because it is not easy to accept reality and its messiness, imperfections, pains, sufferings, and deep wounds. Someone who dislikes him or herself always needs to find an enemy(ies) in others to attack, hurt, pick on, or simply justify their actions so they do not have to accept or deal with self-loathing and brutal honesty. Let us be honest because we have seen it in ourselves, too. If we are not honest, humble, and focused on the Lord, it will become easier to lose focus on other things and people than our vulnerable, fragile, broken, and imperfect reality. Mark my words! I am not lying nor personally attacking anyone, but I can reassure you that a fragile, egocentric, isolated, or hurtful person always hurts others to numb the deep inner pains!
Therefore, this is where humility is important and will lead us to the truth. It sets us free to truly be able to look deep within ourselves and see the love of God that has always been faithful, consistent, and everlasting — even at times we did not love him or our very own self. Looking back at our past, especially to see, recognize, and embrace what has hurt us, takes genuine courage, vulnerability, and humility! It takes a lot of long-term commitment to put in the work and desire change for the better. We cannot expect an immediate, short, or quick turnaround from a long time of past hurts, unhealthy copes, wounds, and brokenness. Even if we can see and understand, it is another challenge to work on ourselves to be healed, embrace what we cannot change, accept the possible change with consistency and resiliency, and know how to receive help along the way.
People who are changing their lives need to be gentle, patient, and consistent because there will be a lot of challenging factors! Changing one’s way of life requires leaving what is comfortable and or gotten used to behind to embark on a journey of radical trust, honesty, and vulnerability with God and those who can help us with genuine transparency. No one can help us if we do not humble ourselves, invite and ask God and others who are His instruments to help us! Change really begins with us, with sober honesty, humility, and resiliency. Of course, we will be discouraged and questioned by those who question our intentions and desires; sometimes, those who are close to us will doubt and ridicule our choices, too. On top of that, the evil spirits will discourage us, making us feel as if we cannot change, are not good enough, will not, or cannot be loved by God or others. The Devil and his minions will feed on others and even our very own self in many different ways to attack and make us doubt God‘s goodness and our ability to be better, humble, genuine, and real with ourselves.
When we desire to work on what really affected or hurt us, there will be a lot of obstacles on the way, and on many different levels, too — personally, socially, relationally, and spiritually. It will require us to let go of past hurts and pains, embrace the wounds they caused, understand how they have and continue to affect us and choose to live above the typical and unhealthy relationships, choices, actions, and ways of life. There will be a lot of external temptations and self-imposed doubts. We will think we cannot change because we are too weak, the pressures are too much, too reserved in our own little world and its unhealthy codependent relationships, or we are too scared of the unknowns. Thus, the needed extraordinary transformation calls for supernatural dependency and the transcendental grace of God so we can rise above what is humanistic and seems natural, comfortable, or easy for us.
Genuine faith leads us to total honesty and dependency on God, who is faithful and desires our ultimate good, even though it can get challenging and hard at times. That is why real faith will lead us to really hope, to learn to wait, be patient, and anchor ourselves in His never-failing grace, even at times when we are filled with weaknesses and doubts. If we truly believe and put our hope in His everlasting love and faithfulness, we choose to love and serve, trust, and open ourselves up to others with genuine charity, even when it seems easy to close up, push others away, and isolate ourselves.
Perhaps we will never change others… Perhaps we will continue to be hurt by others and bear the hard pains of our past hurts and struggles… Perhaps things will never be as we would liked… Perhaps our lives will continue to be imperfect, messy, and constant struggles at times, we choose to move on with genuine faith, hope, and love because we believe that God will give us the sufficient grace to overcome the challenges that are all around us. It is truly freeing to live with little but have a lot of riches that are not in humanistic quantity. His qualitative love, because the simplicity and purity of heart allow us to receive His necessary strength and love even at times, we do not know or can see what goods can come out of the present trials, hardships, challenges, or storms of life.
Therefore, my brothers and sisters, I invite you to live in His loving presence. Do not be afraid to be humble, open up, and allow yourself to love and be faithful to God, even if it gets hard. Please be genuine and honest so that our faith gives us life instead of simply being a cheap, egocentric, and selfish weapon of false righteousness and against charity. Perhaps we will be misunderstood, dismissed, and ignored by others because we do not play their game, but do not let the petty, hurtful, and fragile egoistical people rob us of the true joy and simplicity of life we have in Him who truly loves us. While it can seem to be a hard journey to begin, hard at times to persevere, it is truly a journey worth pursuing, for we are never alone, and He is always with us. Faith is real and alive, but only if we allow ourselves to open up and receive from His unimaginable love because it is humbly and genuinely grounded in true hope and self-giving charity. Therefore, let us not use fake faith to attack one another but use it as the true and real weapon against the lies, manipulations, and attacks of evil ones because God is with us, and we belong to Him.
I Thirst (John 19:28) with Father Khoi 