In episode six of season 1 of the Netflix series Warrior Nun, the main character, Ava, is talking to a townsperson about her efforts to find her purpose and mission in life. She was running away from the sisters at that time because she wanted to live her own life. After a long time of being paralyzed, she receives the halo, which gives her special and supernatural powers. She now wants to be free, rather than being pushed into something she does not believe in. Being a nonbeliever, Ava is not really into the spiritual world and just wants to live her life as a young person. Nonetheless, when she asks Marco about his own spiritual journey and whether he has found what he is looking for, he answers, “Searching for oneself is a journey for a lifetime. Life is what happens in between.”
Indeed, the journey of faith that helps us grow and find ourselves is not a quick, short, one-time one. The spiritual journey requires us a lifetime of growth, transformation, reformation, and conversion! Therefore, we should not give up in the in-between periods of stormy weather, challenge, trial, and hardship. Life itself is not easy, and it can, at times, deter us from being focused on what God calls us to be. It can get so discouraging and tiring at times that we just want to give up. It can get so tempting at times that we want to be deterred and spend time chasing after what is appealing, pleasurable, and enticing to our human understanding and its natural senses.
At times, we will lose our way, stray from the path, be discouraged by the storms of life, and hurt by the trials that arise in our daily journey, but that does not mean that we should simply give up and live as people who have no hope. There is a greater purpose and mission, and there will be times that we are tested and tried because this world wants us to be enslaved by its shallow and vain standards. Furthermore, the evil forces are using what meets the eye and enticing our natural, humanistic understanding and senses to draw us to depend on them to satisfy us with what is passing. At times, we feel like God fails us because we feel like He ignores, forgets, and does not care for us, because we do not get what we want. Perhaps we have gotten hurt and equate whatever we did not get or wished for with what we think faith is — fake and has no value. Perhaps we think that nothing that is good for us can really come out of believing in God and living a Christian vocation, especially if we have lost what is deemed as valuable for us. All of those reasons seem valid and make sense at times on the human level, but that does not mean that they are true and real on the eternal scope.
The evil and worldly forces know what is appealing and enticing, so they know how to use those matters to attract, distract, and deter us from being focused on what really matters! Being naturally egocentric, we oftentimes, too, want to have things our way; and when we do not get what we want, we tend to think that God is failing us because He does not care to provide for our needs. We tend to be dependent on ourselves and center everything on what is beneficial for us, along with that, we lose focus on the bigger, eternal, and everlasting scope that God wills for us. He desires for us to be with Him, to become like Him by how we live in holiness and in truth, and that is hard at times because that mission is not always easy. It requires many sacrifices, willingly to grow, be patient, and love the eternal truth even at times when life gets hard.
There are no words to describe how wonderful it is to know what it means to be personally loved by God. However, it is also hard because it requires us to be transparent, honest, genuine, and open ourselves up completely to Him. Much more than sheep, though, He wants our hearts — our everything! In order to love and give ourselves to Him wholly and completely, we have to learn how to listen, engage, open up, and speak to Him from the heart. When we are able to do it, we will know His voice that speaks to us in our prayer times, especially when we can be silent and immerse ourselves deep in contemplative conversation with Him.
God‘s voice is not simply a verbal voice nor a completely mental thing. It is a voice that is very unique and particular, yet once you and I have heard it, we will never forget it! Furthermore, when we allow ourselves to be open and silent enough, God will speak, usually calling out using the personal “nickname” that He has for us and we share with Him. For a long period of prayer, He might speak very little, but to be in His presence is worth more than anything else. Even though He might not say anything or speak shortly, to receive and to bask ourselves in His love is more than any words can describe or any temporary, hedonistic, or quantitative thing that this world can ever promise or try to satisfy. He speaks and guides us each moment; we just have to learn to let go of our desire to be in control, silence ourselves from the noisiness of the world, and just simply listen!
At times, too, it is very hard to follow the Lord Jesus Christ when we are being distracted by so many worldly things, or especially when we feel unsure if where He is leading us is where we want to be. We also get scared when the storms, obstacles, or hardships in front of us make us doubt if this is where we need to be going. It gets frustrating when we do not see Him speak or fix our problems immediately, particularly having had to simply trust to remain where we are or, at times, go into the unknown where we have no control. Nevertheless, in the midst of all of the ups and downs of life, we are reminded that we are called to trust the Good Shepherd who loves us, knows us by name, and offered His life for His sheep.
We are called to follow and be with Him even though there might seem to be better alternatives, appealing temptations, or overwhelming doubts at times. Love requires a lot of trust and self-giving commitment by having faith in the One who loves us, especially in the midst of many uncertainties and trials. Therefore, our relationship with the One who loves us requires that we stay committed to Him even when things get hard and our life’s trials arise. That is not always easy, but it is worthwhile because those moments are moments when we grow the most personally, spiritually, and lovingly. I do not know about you, but there were numerous times when I kicked and screamed because I did not like what was going on; but for some reason, His loving grace continues to nourish me and keeps me where I am today.
He truly loves us with a personal love! Think about it… He loves you differently than He loves me. He knows our blessings and imperfections, desires and shortcomings, yet still loves us genuinely and wholeheartedly. He knows our names as well as knows us personally. He speaks to us in so many different ways and desires that we listen and return to His call of love.
That is why our Good Shepherd is good, because He cares and knows each one of us by name. He knows us, His sheep, and He calls on us. At times, too, He has to rein us back and make sure that we stay in place and not get lost. Other times, especially if we are too stubborn and arrogant (wanting to escape and run from Him), He just simply has to let us go. Therefore, it is important for us to remember that we need to embrace the relationship between our Shepherd and us.
Even though the journey might be challenging at hard at times, do not give up just yet. This wonderful path that He is leading us is not something short-term or temporary, because He is truly invested and willing our eternal good. There will be times when we will be distracted and stray away. We can always come back if we learn to stay where we are, call for help, or come back to the Good Shepherd when we recognize our own arrogance and stubbornness. Life will always have its ups and downs, and there will be challenging times, but may we not lose our hearts to persevere on the lifetime journey of being His sheep.