As an immigrant, especially when I was growing up as a teenager, I really wanted to fit in and be like an “American” so much. I wanted to be like “everyone else” instead of being labeled as an outcast or different-than-us look. I was filled with many typical teenage insecurities, and they get intensified by not feeling like I am fitting in with other people. I looked at my American friends and became jealous of what I thought they had. I watched television and wished that my parents would be the same as what I saw on shows. I was self-aware and very insecure… I kept looking for things that I did not have and wanted for myself. They were unrealistic, but they were the vain shadows and daydream stuff I wished for myself. It was draining and tiring, always wishing and wanting something I did not have, and it took a long time for me to realize that I do not have to fit in to be who I am and understand who I am as a beloved child of God.
When I looked at what I did not have, I became so envious of others around me. I became frustrated with my own life’s situation because things were not perfect or as I would have liked them to be. I enveloped myself in my own self-pity and moped in it. It was miserable because I got so centered on myself as I tried to blame others for my own problems, especially my parents, as a teenager. I wished so much that they would be like my American friends’ parents. There were times I foolishly wished I could have run away to have a better life!
As I was growing up, the baggy pants were very popular and in style (just like they are coming back into style now), but they were expensive and more than what my parents could afford. We did not have much, so I could not buy any of those cool clothes like my friends. We did not have any really nice clothes since most of our stuff came from thrift stores, garage sales, and low-cost stores. My father wanted my brother and me to go to a school that used a uniform — standardized dress code, but not because we were prestigious or better than other people. It was in a rougher, poorer, and more challenging part of town, so it was a way to make sure gang signs, affiliations, and expressions are not easily expressed at school. I did not want to go there at all because most of my middle school friends ended up at another high school. There were very few Asian people at the school, which caused more isolation because it was very hard to fit in. I often got made fun of because of my name and my Vietnamese accent. I felt like a fish out of water most of the time, and even though it was going better, I never felt like I belonged there.
Nonetheless, I have learned much when I left home to begin my religious life and seminary formation. When I had time to reflect on the reality of life that is much bigger than me, I began to see how much I really have and how many blessings God has given me! I began to appreciate the numerous sacrifices that my parents made so my brother and I could have a life that they never had — a life that was robbed from them because of the Viet Nam War. They endured many hardships, from discrimination to racism, from having little to nothing to not having anything for themselves, so that the little extras are saved and spent on building a better life for us in America.
My father used to be a heavy smoker in Viet Nam, but he gave that up when we came to America. I did not understand why at first, but I understood that it was a sacrifice so that the extra money could be saved to make the mortgage payment, so we could have a house of our own. My father ate one of the cheapest instant noodles available at our local Vietnamese supermarkets for the longest time — day in and day out, every single day — so money could be saved. My mother began to take the second (night) shift so that the pay would be a little bit better. Even though we did not see her until the weekend, she prepared and cooked for us every day, and we could taste and see her love through those dishes. Those were just some of the numerous sacrifices that my parents made so that my brother and I would have freedom, better education, and better opportunities than them!
As a teenager, I wanted to fit in so much. Nonetheless, as I grow older in years and in my own faith, I realize that I can never fully fit into the general population and popular opinion part of society. Who I am, my own particular journey of life and faith, and where I am today, is unique and should not be denied because all of that makes up my very own identity! Much more than what society tells me, who I am as a beloved child of God, disciple of Christ Jesus, and loving instrument of the Holy Spirit gives me life, much more than what other worldly opinions or humanistic voices. Who I am as a Catholic will make me stand apart and different than the rest of this secular world. I will not fully fit in… and that is OK! I will be at odds with the world, and that is fine. I will be rejected, ridiculed, looked down on, and attacked at times, but that is the price of discipleship, faith, and obedience to the truth.
I am sharing with you a lot from my past today, hoping that you can reflect on your own stories, too. Where you and I are today is not just of our own making! Where we are today has been a work of grace, interwoven and at work even when we do not recognize how much He has been present to care for us beyond what we could comprehend. God was showing how much He loves us through other people around us, especially the manifestation of His grace to help us in our times of trial, hardship, challenge, and failure. I do not know about you, but I have learned that where I am today has been a product of His loving grace. Even though I am hurt and scarred by life and people, life is worth living because I know who I am and where I am ultimately going. Hence, because of Him and the people He has given me in my own life, I have come to realize that life does not have to be perfect to be good.
When we have the time to look back, reflect, and pray, everything begins to connect and make more sense. It might be hard and challenging when we are in the very storms and trials of life! Even though we might not always get what we want or be able to fit in as we would have liked, that does not mean that life is not worth living and is not miserable. My brothers and sisters, let us not lose sight of who is there for us and what gives us life. Let us be grateful for where we are today and give thanks to those who made so many sacrifices for us. I hope and pray that each and every one of us will understand our true identity, self-worth, and what we are called to do as people of faith, so this world will not rob us of the joy we have in Him! It is OK not to fit in and fine not to be accepted by all because we are not defined by this world or dictated by its values alone. Therefore, let us open our eyes to the greater reality and find in ourselves the greater strength of His loving grace to sustain us in our very own journey.