I see, care for, and work with many military members from immigrant families. I understand many of their struggles to fit in and find an “American” identity. Many have chosen to abandon their faith in pursuit of their own freedom because they connect their parents’ way of life as outdated, un-American, oppressive, and unappealing, hence should be rejected, forgotten, and put in the past. Perhaps they were forced to go to church and attend services that were in another language that they did not appreciate and can relate to, and that is why it becomes easier to abandon and reject that past once they have gained freedom as young adults. I have seen people who hate and do not want to talk about their past… but perhaps we have forgotten that there were moments of grace there, and where we are today are blessings and results of those past lessons.
It saddens my heart when I hear young people from immigrant families who shared with my brother priests and me that they are ashamed of their parents. It breaks my heart when I hear how much they despise being associated with their parents and family members, embarrassed by their elders and family members because they are not “American” enough. It makes me sad because I have come to realize how much my past has made me into a stronger person today… But, much more, because it reminds me of similar sentiments and feelings I had when I was younger, too. As a young person, I, like many immigrant kids, was filled with so many self-centered pities because I did not get similar opportunities to be like my American-born classmates.
That shamefulness made me so enveloped and centered on what I do not have in comparison to what I thought other people possessed and had at home. I so wished that my parents could speak better English and be like what I had seen on television. Nonetheless, that pitiful reality made me miss the true sacrifices that my parents had to make in order for my brother and me to have a better future than theirs. By being locked in my own miseries, I forgot to see the many injustices and hurts my parents had to bear from their past, as well as the many sufferings and sacrifices they bore having to begin anew and endure at their workplaces when working with others. As an immigrant, especially when I was growing up as a teenager, I really wanted to fit in and be like an “American” so much. I wanted to be like “everyone else” instead of being labeled as an outcast or different-than-us look. I was filled with many typical teenage insecurities, and they get intensified by not feeling like I am fitting in with other people. I looked at my American friends and became jealous of what I thought they had. I watched television and wished that my parents would be the same as what I saw on shows. I was self-aware and very insecure… I kept looking for things that I did not have and wanted for myself. They were unrealistic, but they were the vain shadows and daydream stuff I wished for myself. It was draining and tiring, always wishing and wanting something I did not have, and it took a long time for me to realize that I do not have to fit in to be who I am and understand who I am as a beloved child of God.
When I looked at what I did not have, I became so envious of others around me. I became frustrated with my life’s situation because things were not perfect or as I would have liked them to be. I enveloped myself in my own self-pity and moped in it. It was miserable because I got so centered on myself as I tried to blame others for my own problems, especially my parents, as a teenager. I wished so much that they would be like my American friends’ parents. There were times I foolishly wished I could have run away to have a better life!
If we spend our whole life rejecting our past and the hard life lessons that made us into who we are today, we will forever choose to be lost and remain pitiful in our own hellish existence because we are not happy with what we have. If we spend our whole life wishing on what should have, could have, or would have been for us instead of being grateful and learning from those valuable lessons, we will definitely become futile in our search to be somebody but hopeless, joyless, and bitter in appreciating the journey and valuable lessons that lead us where we are today. Our past does not have to be perfect, and like everyone else, in order for us to be strong, courageous, and persevere in the unique challenges of life’s ups and downs.
Furthermore, what has resulted and can be seen from our sense of being lost as a society and many individuals is that many of us have forgotten to uphold the truth and its life-giving sense of freedom, responsibility, and duty to hand on what we have received from past generations. We no longer desired to be guides, teachers, and family for one another. We have allowed ourselves to live to be liked and to seek what is good by whatever is most popular, and we have allowed ourselves to be worthless, homeless, and restless. Many of us have become lonely, unhappy, resentful, doubtful, and filled with self-doubt and insecurities because we have lost sight of who we are and what we are called to be.
It is sad, but so true, we have lost our sense of direction because we have lost what it means to truly love and be loved for the truth and to keep our eyes focused on the things that are transcendental and eternal! We have locked our older generations and past histories away from us because we have deemed their values and ways of life to be different than ours. We have lost a sense of tradition, continuity, respect, responsibility, and duty because we have lost the desire to be those who received and treasured what has been handed on to us and feel the sacred vocation and calling to carry on what has been given to us as treasures.
We do not have a home where we can genuinely belong because we have spent a lot of our time building sand castles that look nice on the outside but do not have any real depth or foundations. We no longer want to be true guides, teachers, and anything that carries responsibility from the traditional roles and duties to hand on, protect, treasure, and teach our future generations. The nucleus of our society has been broken and fallen apart because we have lost the desire to create a home and family where we can grow and mature as what God calls us to be! We have built up many skyscrapers that are so appalling and amazing, but they also crumble and fall down very often. As a matter of fact, things come and go so fast that progress keeps us constantly on the move and change, but we really have nothing that gives us rest, surety, and depth.
What is sadder is that too many of us would have rather left and abandoned the truth and what gives us life from the beginning. Instead of changing our ways to conform to the truth and what really sets us free as we are in God, transcendental and eternal, it has become so easy for one to deny their faith or change to something that is more appealing and easier, so they can get the message that they want to hear and do not challenge them to change their ways of life. But, you see? If we only live for ourselves, we will end up with our very own pitiful selves that have no real purpose, worth, life-giving mission, or calling. If we desire to live for the world to see, like, and be accepted, we might gain the world and the likes of others but lose ourselves — homeless, do not know where we belong or where we are going.
Where you and I are today is not just of our own making! Where we are today has been a work of grace, interwoven and at work even when we do not recognize how much He has been present to care for us beyond what we could comprehend. God was showing how much He loves us through other people around us, especially the manifestation of His grace to help us in our times of trial, hardship, challenge, and failure. I do not know about you, but I have learned that where I am today has been a product of His loving grace. Even though I have been hurt in the past, life is worth living because I know who I am and where I am ultimately going. Hence, because of Him and the people He has given me in my own life, I have come to realize that life does not have to be perfect to be good.
When we have the time to look back, reflect, and pray, everything begins to connect and make more sense. It might be hard and challenging when we are in the very storms and trials of life! Even though we might not always get what we want or be able to fit in as we would have liked, that does not mean that life is not worth living and is not miserable. My brothers and sisters, let us not lose sight of who is there for us and what gives us life. Let us be grateful for where we are today and give thanks to those who made so many sacrifices for us. I hope and pray that each and every one of us will understand our true identity, self-worth, and what we are called to do as people of faith, so this world will not rob us of the joy we have in Him! It is OK not to fit in and fine not to be accepted by all because we are not defined by this world or dictated by its values alone. Therefore, let us open our eyes to the greater reality and find in ourselves the greater strength of His loving grace to sustain us in our very own journey.