Dedicated to my former parishioners in Denton and the Texoma area
How can we love those who do not love us? How can we seek out the unlovable and unkind? How can we choose to embrace someone who is hostile to us or trying their best to not be sought out? All these questions are hard to answer, and they seem to be all over the place, too, but they are all important in our very own life of faith and call to discipleship. There are people that we know who are very hard to love because they are hurt or have a core struggle that they are pushing people away. It is very easy to ignore or return the ill will because we have been hurt by them, but it is important that we never give up on seeking ways to forgive and love them, as well as to give in to the retributive and punitive mindset that is contrary to Christ‘s teachings.
I was assigned to the Immaculate Conception parish in Denton, Texas, when I was a newly ordained priest — fresh off the seminary. It was a big parish. I was on fire and filled with zeal, eager to prove to myself that I can be a caring priest and spiritual father to all. Nonetheless, I was immediately met with hesitation and resistance in my first week at the parish. Even though I did everything I could to prepare my first “introductory homily” well, spending a lot of time doing exegesis and fine-tuning it, there was a lady who was waiting for me after Mass to tell me how she despised me. She told me that she strongly disliked me because I represent what she hated the most.
I try my best to wear my cassock on Sundays and high holy days. Even though I would love not to be bogged down by the extra layers of clothing (especially when it gets hot), I do it because I was taught to always wear my best to church by my grandparents. They taught me to give my best to the Lord, not necessarily in a materialistic sense, but to make personal efforts to give Him my best offering. Nonetheless, being a priest in a cassock is not always a welcome sight because many people immediately come to the conclusion that I am too outdated, traditional, uncaring, not pastoral enough, and stand against what the Second Vatican Council was trying to do in its reforms. Hence, that was the perception that this particular person had of me.
She made it clear how much she despised me by choosing to go to Mass, sitting close to the front, and opening up the newspaper and reading when I was preaching. To be honest with you, her attitude really hurts me. Nonetheless, I also came to recognize that she was perhaps bearing a lot of internal hurts, pains, and sufferings. I was very hurt and discouraged at first, but I told myself that I cannot be that way, so I brought her up in my prayers a lot. I was trying very hard to find ways to love her instead of being resentful and negative toward her because of her attitude.
Even on my last weekend at the parish, she was still treating me with disdain. She came up to me after Mass, saying, “I still don’t like you, but I guess you’re moving on… so best to you!” At that moment, I mustered all of my courage and love to give her a (side) hug. I told her, “God loves you and so do I. Please pray for me as I am for you.” It was hard for me, but I knew I had to do it because I knew she was put in my life for a reason…
My brothers and sisters, it is truly hard to love, especially the unlovable and those who do not love us. Love is much more than a sentiment or feeling. There are many days that we will have to choose to love even though we might not like the person, their attitudes and words, or how they talk about and act around us. We have to choose to love those who are hard to love in order to bring Christ to them, too. If we recall from basic psychology class, the people who are often mean and say hurtful things to others are often the people who are most hurt from within. Therefore, it is important that we have compassion for them and try to love them beyond their hurtful words and actions. Perhaps the relationship will never be as good as we would have liked; it is still important that we spend time to pray for them and find little ways to care, love, forgive, and let go of the things that bother us. It is not an easy task, nor is there any personal incentive to do so, but we have got to try — one step and one moment at a time — to let go of negativity and choose love even though it hurts.
This also means finding creative ways to reach out to those who might be living on the very fringes of our society and our parish congregations! The most important thing we can do is to extend a personal invitation to walk with a person who is struggling, may be ostracized, or strayed away from the faith, so that they know that there is someone who is willing to walk with them. Even though it might be uncomfortable at times, it is so very important that we spend the time to assure people that — no matter what happens — they will never be abandoned by the Church. Even when they cannot fully participate in the life of faith and sacraments of the Church, that does not mean that they have been ostracized, shunned, and forgotten by us. We must never push people away!
I was immediately greeted by a Vietnamese parishioner when I first arrived at my three parishes. She was so happy to see another Vietnamese who could speak the language. She, like many typical Vietnamese, went up to the local area to open a nail shop since the Dallas-Fort Worth area was getting too crowded and competitive. Her English was very limited, but that did not stop her from going to Daily Masses. She was very faithful.
After noticing that she did not receive communion, I approached and asked her if I could be of assistance to her or if there was any way that I could help so that she could receive communion again. She told her that she and her husband were not married in the Church. I wanted to get their marriage right, but they do not have enough English skills to go through the tribunal and marriage preparation process. On top of that, she told me that her husband wanted to become a Catholic, too, but he was hesitant to go through the OCIA class in English. So, I promised them that I would help them with both.
I met with her husband once a week to teach him OCIA — one-on-one — in Vietnamese. I assisted them with the tribunal and marriage preparation process. I was grateful that everything worked out well, that I had the honor of giving him all the Sacraments of Initiation, as well as officiated at their Sacrament of Matrimony. After everything was completed, she became more active in the Church. She offered to work on arranging flowers for one of my parishes.
Even after a long day of work, she would come in late on Friday to arrange flowers for the weekend liturgies. Of course, she brought her husband with her, too! I was so grateful that she offered the parish her wonderful talent and gift because the flowers beautified our sanctuary area for Mass. Of course, she continued to attend Daily Masses — without fail — even though she does not understand everything. However, she was now able to receive communion, and that brought her a lot of joy because of her devotion and love for the Lord.
I wonder how many of us will go out of our way to attend Mass if we are in her case?!? How many of us would make time for Mass, especially if we do not understand the language? How many of us would continue to show up to Mass if we were not able to receive communion? How many of us would be faithful to our faith if we did not get what we want? Hence, God used this simple parishioner to teach me a lot about the life of faith and what it means to believe, especially affording the opportunity to use my mother tongue — Vietnamese — to care for her and her husband in their times of struggle and need.
Even though those two stories presented two completely different scenarios, they, at least for me, provide opportunities for me to seek to love His people as a priest. Both were not easy case, but that did not mean that I should just choose the easy way. We should never give up on seeking new ways to love and care for others, even though we might be facing opposition, resistance, and negativity because of who we are. Even if we get hurt by others’ words and actions, we should never give in to retribution but choose to love, forgive, and pray for them. Therefore, my brothers and sisters, may we never lose an opportunity to seek to love as the Lord has first loved us.