No matter how much we try to think that we are in control or plan ahead, life always has its own way of throwing unexpected curveballs at us — often at least expected and unprepared times, too. Those moments are very hard to bear because they throw us off course and challenge us deep from within. When things fall apart, we feel worthless and falling apart ourselves because we have worked so hard in order to grab onto some constancy and stability. Nonetheless, we are reminded that we should, no matter what happened, persevere and keep our focus on the long road and eternal destination ahead.
Let us be honest, and I will be the first one to admit that it is very hard to be content and accept God’s will for us when things are falling apart. It gets extremely hard when we cannot see what could lie beyond the chaos and storms. It gets hard to put our full trust in the Lord’s timing when it seems like the rain keeps on pouring and never seems to stop! Just like the featured image for this reflection, there are times that we will have to face sharp curves and turns that blindside us and make us question if things can be better or not. We are all humans, and each and every one of us has our own breaking points! Therefore, it is very hard to try to keep on going when it feels like the trials, pains, sufferings, and hardships never end.
We naturally want to be better and anticipate fallouts or avoid things that are beyond our control by relating and comparing everything from our past. As human beings, we love to learn and better ourselves to avoid past errors and mistakes. We hate feeling helpless, rejected, not in control, or being inadequate, so that is why we constantly strive to be better. As a recovering perfectionist as well as a military chaplain, I can definitely relate to the desire to have everything perfect and in control. Nonetheless, we often forget that we can only do so much and life is filled with many imperfections and mishaps.
It is important that we should not burn ourselves out or unnecessarily burn relational bridges in order to have things our way or as perfect as we would like for them to be! So many times, we love to prove ourselves to be better than whatever or whoever might be a bad example for us in the past. We think that we can change our past by making things better and nicer if we try enough. Nonetheless, that subconscious desire will cause us to be burnt out, manipulative, controlling, repulsive, or resentful. If we are not careful, we end up using other people as means to prove our self-worth, affirm our desires, and as ways for us to be in control of things. All of those scenarios are destructive because we end up being dictatorial in order to have things our way or resentful when no one seems to be good enough for us.
It is also important to come to embrace our imperfections and not let the past control, manipulate, and hurt us; otherwise, we will end up hurting others in return. For example, I have seen people who felt like their childhood was imperfect, so they try too hard to become the parents that they never had from the past! Another example would be someone who tried so hard to be someone who stands out, is respected, admired, loved, or feared by others because they felt like they were a nobody, helpless, or rejected in the past. Or, it could also be as a way to win the approval of a person that they admired, wanted to impress, or to show that they are somehow better than the (past) version that they resented. The reasons could be endless, but these are some of the most popular reasons that often cause a lot of unhealthy behavioral issues and reactions because they can cause us to become someone who is not genuine or as we are called to be as children of God.
It takes a lot of humility to recognize that we do not know everything and to go beyond ourselves to really trust in God and His Bride, the Church. It takes a lot of courage to go beyond our finitude and conform ourselves to Him who created us and continue to will our eternal good instead of expecting Him to please us at all costs! If we put it in relational terms, it takes genuine and personal love to discover the person of God each and every day. We are constantly learning new things every day until our journey here on earth is finished, instead of saying that we need to have everything known, explained, and be under control before we can personally choose whether to love or reject Him. If you do not believe me, just take a moment to imagine how long it takes for us to know a person here on earth, to fall in love with him or her, and to learn and discover new things about the person each and every day.
There has to be more! Life cannot just be about us or what we want or how we like things to be. Life cannot be life-giving and real if it is not genuine, transparent, and sacrificial in nature. We have to choose and will to love and give ourselves to something higher than ourselves, what we like, or how we want things to be. Change of attitude and perspective has to begin with us! Much more than in humanistic terms and means, we are called as believers to reflect, discern, and conform our lives to the loving patience, forgiveness, understanding, and wisdom of Christ Jesus. Conversion is not just a one-time thing or something expected of others. Conversion has to begin with us, each and every day! We have to change first before we ask others to change for our sake.
People who seek or hold on to total control will always end up being unhappy because they are not happy with themselves. They will always think that others do not know what they are doing and keep making mistakes. They get frustrated because they do not get what they want and angry because they are losing control at times. Power and pride are like poison, and they kill the person deep from within! Therefore, as much as there are people who might misuse their power in the Church and the world to serve themselves, we should not lose heart. The saints did not! Each and every one of us can continue to choose what the Lord is asking of us: to humble ourselves, seek, do, and live according to what is right and just so that the love of God and the joy of the Gospel are being preached, enlivened, and shared with everyone that we encounter each day. We should not let anyone or anything stop us from living in the Lord! No one has the power to rob our identity, mission, and purpose unless we allow them; therefore, we can always learn to pray with creative tensions without losing heart, for God is still needing us to be His hands and feet to the world. As much as people can get scandalized or lose hearts by the actions of a few, may we lift them up by our silent perseverance and joy that is found through true personal, sacrificial, and self-giving gifts of faith, hope, and love in service.
If we cannot change ourselves, seeing how blessed we are, how forgiving and patient God has been to us, and how He desires us to become more like Him through the transformative works of grace, we will always remain hopeless, resentful, angry, and doubting why the world cannot be perfect or why people are not as we like or expect them to be! The world was never perfect, and we will never be perfect either; it is a continual work of grace because God is still at work in each and every one of us. Nevertheless, it is up to each individual to bask, receive, and be transformed by His love. Just like the sun shining its rays on all through its radiance, His loving grace is able to change those who are willing to receive it with a humble, obedient, and loving heart.
If we are talking about the complexity of the human person who is finite and created, imagine how much more so for God, who is the Creator of all things! Therefore, to expect to know and to comprehend His infinite loving wisdom in a short time is impossible, futile, and arrogant. Why? Because it is impossible! Even when we die and reach heaven, we still cannot grasp the infinite beauty and complexity of God and His divine providence because we are limited and finite in our capacity. Therefore, it is important to know that the foundation of faith has to be loving trust instead of self-centered arrogance and pride. Faith is paradoxical and seems to be contradictory at first because it requires us to let go of our arrogance and humbly lift our hearts up to the transcendental reality of eternal and everlasting truths and values.
Life can get challenging, for sure, but we can choose to be grateful, seeking our joy by remaining cheerful and life-giving in the Lord. Let us not lose hope but continue to persevere through life’s curves. Even when we cannot see far ahead, if we recognize that He is always near to us, we can allow our souls to soak and rest in His loving peace. By being thankful, our gratitude permeates and changes our mode of operations so that our thoughts and lives become ones of thanksgiving and prayer, lifting up and giving life to those who are around us. What makes us humans and believers is our consideration of one another, especially our care for each other through prayer and the willingness to embrace one another above our differences. Even though it is very tempting to shut off those we do not agree with, we can learn to grow in loving patience for them just as God has always been for us. This is how we can be there for one another, to lift each other up and lead the other person to Christ Jesus without shunning them away, hurting them at will, or going to the point of no longer feeling remorseful because we are no longer being considerate and caring of others. By our kindness and gratitude, we become more grounded in God because we recognize how blessed we are and how merciful He has been for us. We, then, can return the gift and put into practice what we have received from the Almighty.