We like to be in control.
That is the undeniable truth… no doubt about it.
Nonetheless, we cannot change everything and everyone, and that irks us and makes us angry and resentful at times. We dislike when things go beyond our control, or we do not have something going our way. Nonetheless, the greatest liberty is to know what is possible and to accept what is not possible (to change). This is a lesson that we have to learn over and over and over again because we tend to be forgetful when it comes to letting go of control and accepting what the greater reality than what we hope, want, or like for life to be.
Many times, the hardest lesson is taught and given to us right in front of us. It is important, however, for us to slow down in order to acknowledge, receive, reflect, and respond to His loving grace. For me, I have to slow myself down a lot in order to embrace the opportunities when He teaches me to be patient, mindful, and kind to others. Oftentimes, too, He uses the opportunities right in front of me or the people who are close to me as ways to remind me how to be attentive to the valuable lessons.
My own mother has always been that learning and growing opportunity for me. The good Lord has taught me much about patience through her own personality and concept of time. She tends to take longer than my father, brother, and I when it comes time to prepare to go somewhere out of the house. It has always been like this as long as I can remember! I remember that we would always try to “rush” her to no avail. She is just slower than us when it comes to preparation time. Hence, her attitude and timing always challenged me — every single time — especially now as I am used to military timing standards.
When I was younger, especially during my years as an altar server, I would be so frustrated because she would make us come too close to Mass on time. I was happier when I was able to drive because I would not have to wait for her. When I first became a priest, I jokingly reminded her that I cannot be late to Mass because that would look bad. She was a little bit better, but she is still nowhere near what I would like since I tend to be present at Mass early in order to prepare and make sure things are ready.
There were times when I got really frustrated at her. I confessed that I was impatient many times. Even though I am doing a little bit better, this is still something that I struggle with as I choose to love my own mother and her own timing standards. I have to come to recognize that my mother will probably be able to change because she is too set in her ways! She is too used to this habit and slowly pacing herself in her 70’s; therefore, I have to learn to creatively adapt, gently remind her way ahead of time, and be willing to be patient when she does not do things my way.
I am sharing this with you today because I think we all struggle with that inner desire to be in control or have things our way. I have to come to be reminded often that I cannot constantly be frustrated with matters that I cannot change. It would be ridiculous and uneventful, thus causing myself unnecessary stress, resentment, and frustration if I want to make possible what is impossible. In other words, I will create for myself my own frustrations and negativities, expecting others to be what I want them to be or for the rest of the world to be in accordance with me, because reality is much bigger than me and I am not in total control of anything.
In his Proslogion, teaching is to desire the vision of God; St. Anselm wrote:
Teach me to seek You; and when I seek you, show Yourself to me; for I cannot seek You unless you teach me, nor can I find you unless You show Yourself to me. Let me seek You in desiring You, and desire You in seeking You; find You in loving You, and love You in finding You.
In a few lines and words, the saint has opened up a treasure of deep insights for us as Christians! We are constantly being reminded by reality… and we hate it every single time… that we are not in control, nor are we the center of the universe. Many things do not go our way, and life is always messy, beyond us, and we do not have the power to change others. We are often reminded that life is much bigger than us, and people do not genuinely change unless they have a deep desire to do so from within themselves. Therefore, it is important that we learn from the good Lord Himself how to love, sow seeds of hope, and create invitations so others can respond when the right time comes for them.
It is hard for us to learn to seek God and to learn from Him through life’s different moments and scenarios. We would naturally like to seek our will and be in our comfort zone more than seeking what is right and just in His eyes. Furthermore, we are called to seek Him by learning to see and recognize His presence through the simple manifestations and moments of life. Contrary to our egocentric and humanistic desires, God does not like to wow, captivate, or entertain us in appealing or appalling manners. He oftentimes shows Himself in simple, unpretentious, and “hidden” ways, so it requires us to be spiritually attentive, mindful, and aware. Much more than that, we have to have the desire, too, else our mind, heart, and soul do not have the proper disposition to lovingly seek and recognize His presence through the interwoven parts of life.
I particularly like how the saint wrapped up his thought by reminding us that we are able to find Him when we have the right and proper disposition in loving Him. Furthermore, in loving Him, we are able to desire, seek, recognize, and see Him more regularly, frequently, and personally throughout our day. In this wonderful interplay and exchange of love, we are continually able to be nourished by Him who first loved us.
I have shared with you my own struggle and what the Lord has done to teach me in my own life as well as St. Anselm’s deep thoughts. I hope and pray that you will be able to find His own way of manifesting His love to you, as well as His invitation for you to learn to accept what is impossible to change. It is not easy, but no real loving relationship is easy! Therefore, let us do our best to embrace, seek, recognize, and love His will in our everyday interactions and journey of faith.