People asked me all the time if I enjoy military chaplaincy ministry or prefer civilian parish ministry. It is a hard question to answer because it is like comparing two different things, like an apple and an orange! There are MANY days that I miss parish ministry because of its stability and familiarity, of having a rectory and home to return to each day, to be greeted by my dogs each day, and to have more freedom in making decisions for my parish family instead of being bogged down by bureaucracy. However, there are also many days that I am so grateful that God has put me at the present moment to serve as a Catholic priest and military chaplain. I am in awe every time I see a God-wink, knowing that He was providentially present and made things happen according to His infinite goodness and merciful love. Therefore, I embrace the struggles and invite Him into my ups and downs so He can give me the necessary grace to pick up my dreary spirit and keep focusing on the works and people He has entrusted to me.
Civilian Parish Ministry
I missed having a parish family, a rectory, and my two dachshunds who lovingly and joyfully welcomed me home each day. I had to find a new home for them (with a former parishioner) when I joined the military because of the operational tempo and constant movement. It is just not fair for them to be left alone most of the time or to have to adapt to living conditions and people who might have to watch over them when I am gone on different missions or deployments. I missed having a stable rhythm, seeing familiar faces, and having set office hours. I missed visiting the sick at the hospital, children at school, college students at the campus ministry center, and knowing the people I get to care for. I missed having established and long-term relationships, and there is a comfort in knowing the couples you are marrying or the families you accompany through hard moments in life. There is a definite sense of being a shepherd, knowing your flock and caring for people who are within your parish territory as a civilian priest.
However, I am definitely grateful to be freed from the immense stress of having all financial decisions and parish management matters fall on my shoulders. It really does not matter what other people think, but since the bucks stopped with me as the parish priest, it was my responsibility to manage, administer, and run the three parishes well. A lot of my time as a parish priest was occupied with making sure that we stayed on top of our facility management issues (so we do not get too blindsided by surprising costs). Taking care of aging church buildings meant having to constantly repair and calculate the costs of what is possible to work on now and pace things out as necessary. My heart stopped every time a big storm passed by, or if we had a freezing temperature drop, because it meant that shingles were blown away and had to be replaced, or pipes burst because they were not properly insulated, since buildings in Texas are not prepared for a long and cold winter season like up north.
I learned a lot about construction when one of my parishes embarked on a renovation project for our parish hall. I somewhat learned how to do a capital campaign with a pastor who mentored me when I was a seminarian, as well as getting my feet wet when I was at my first parish as a parochial vicar, when we tried to pay off our building debts. However, it was fun when you were part of the team instead of being responsible for everything as a parish priest! I had to learn how to properly fundraise and manage the parish’s leaner parish finance because people were committed to the capital campaign, as well as working with the architect and general contractor to get things done! I had to learn to be meticulous by checking the worksite every day and courageous in calling subcontractors out on their mistakes to keep the cost close to the projected amount.
Our parishioners were so happy when it was finished! It was a long-overdue project, and it became the pride and joy of our parish to have a more open, lighter, equipped, and modern space to host our annual festivals and big events. However, the stress of paying off the building debt was still there… and to my surprise, one of my parishioners came to me one day to ask: “Father, I know you worked hard to get our parish hall done and are still stressed out with paying it off. My family and I would like to know how we can take off this burden from your shoulders?” I was shocked to hear that, but they affirmed to me that they felt like this was what God wanted them to do because they trusted what we had done; furthermore, they would like to remain anonymous! They gave me homework to do, so I called the Diocese to ask for a payoff amount. As a matter of fact, they were shocked to hear the news, too, but we got it going. The person signed the check to that amount, we paid off our remaining debt, and we gathered as a parish to burn the loan note.
Once I got that big building project out of the way, I felt more confident in planning out more projects to ensure proper drainage, a new outside enclosure, and an addition to the parish hall at the main parish; a newly sealed roof and a shingled roof for two of our smaller parishes; digitized thermostats, lights, fans, and security system with remote control and access capabilities for all three. Once I felt that the main maintenance projects were out of the way, I wanted to leave the main parish with a long-term legacy by setting up an endowment fund so that money is protected and can only be used for earmarked renovation or maintenance projects. As said before, the works, duties, and responsibilities of a civilian parish priest are much more than offering Mass and the sacraments, and the stress that comes with them is no joke!
Indeed, it was definitely a stressful time when the COVID-19 pandemic hit with all the shutdowns and restrictions. On top of having to fight my way to give people the Last Rites because of draconian restrictions and doing my best to accompany those who lost their loved ones, especially when they were not allowed to attend the funeral of the deceased, it was hard leading three parishes through the lean and challenging times! Most of my parishioners were used to envelop-based offerings, and the shutdown and space-to-people limitations made it hard to sustain long-term operations. Our Diocese began to push out potential steps to furlough parish employees. That potential decision was a heavy cross for me to bear because I do not want to leave my staff in a hard financial situation. Praise God, we had enough funding to stretch (because I tried to save along the way), but it was not going to be sustainable for long because there were no clear signs of when things were going to be back to normal! Thus, I wrote a letter to my parishioners to ask them to consider matching my contribution amount for the sustenance of our parish.
I promised my parishioners that I was going to donate half of my salary to keep the parishes afloat, as well as to keep our staff employed. Of course, I did not ask them for the same ratio, but to prayerfully discern what they can do in order to respond with prudence and generosity. It was also time to pivot from the traditional giving method via envelopes to newer ways via an online giving platform! There were some initial pushbacks because they were afraid of losing money from fees, but conversations led them to understand that it provides more long-term stability and consistency if people do recurring donations. Praise God, my parishioners responded with kindness and generosity!
Throughout the pandemic, I kept pushing the boundaries of unrealistic limitations and rules by finding creative ways to allow people to attend Mass and receive the Eucharist, because it was what people yearned for, but our government, in their draconian, fear-driven, and low-risk tolerance reaction failed to understand! I kept all the rules so they would not have any reasons to shut us down, but I also learned from my time living under communism how to weave in the grey areas. At first, we would have people sit in their vehicles to attend Mass via livestream and/or broadcast through an FM radio wave… then, after Mass, I would go outside with the ciborium to give the Eucharist to those who desired to receive Him. There was nothing said that people cannot approach me outside! Then, we continue to pivot as the restrictions were relaxed, always pushing the limits and doing all the required sanitation so the maximum number of people can be inside, and those who were not comfortable can still receive the Eucharist outside. Those were challenging times on many different levels, but I felt so blessed to accompany my parishioners who were seeking God in the midst of many uncertainties.
That whole pandemic experience taught me that we can either look at ministry with fears and reservations or with challenging blessings and obstacles to overcome to care for the flock. Of course, there were fear-mongering people who guilted and shamed others for the sake of overly sensitive safety concerns. They attacked the Church and used objective metrics to continue to impose unrealistic restrictions for the sake of public health matters. However, we all know that figures, numbers, and statistics can easily be manipulated, and we can live in fear of anything and everything. However, the Church was in no way acting imprudently or rashly, making decisions jeopardizing other people’s safety and lives. Therefore, we must learn that we have a greater duty and responsibility to care for souls than what the government can ever see, know, or understand according to its warped, political, and shallow standards! There will always be opinionated and rash people on both sides, but that should never deter us from taking care of those who need God more than ever when things are hard and trying, nor should we be ashamed, intimidated, or threatened by the hypocritical and humanistic standards. History always reminded us that faith grows stronger and deeper in the toughest of places, situations, and environments, and the days of cultural, easy, and politically correct Catholicism have long gone! The pandemic weeded out the comfort-driven crowds, and those who yearn and want to grow in their faith want the genuine, substantial, and real version of the truth.
Military Parish and Chaplaincy Ministry
The years of stress accumulated from parish ministry do have a big effect on priests. I was neglecting my health and my weight management (being very overweight until I joined the military). I knew I had to be better, but kept falling off the wagon when stressful moments arose. I tried to go to the gym, and ultimately bought an elliptical to exercise at home, but it was not consistent. That commitment did not stick until I knew I had to lose weight to join the military. There was no ifs and buts when it came to what was required to pass MEPS to begin the whole application and accession process! My priest-chaplain and military recruiters told me that there was nothing they could do until I met the standards, so they kept calling to check in, but pressured me to know that the most important part was in my hands.
It was stressful because I could not tell anyone since I was told that nothing was to be shared or told regarding this matter until the final decision was given. It was hard because I only had a very small amount of time to lose 97 pounds! My parishioners kept asking why I was denying food and invitations to eat out. My older parishioners were getting worried and vocally expressed their concerns many times because I was losing too much weight for their liking! There were multiple points of pressure and contention happening at the same time, and I was discouraged, afraid, and worried many times, but I kept on praying and asking Him: “Lord, you know the situation I am in at the moment and how some doors are closing and the signs are on the wall… You also know that some doors need to open and happen so I can join the military and serve Your people there. Help my unbelief and strengthen me with Your grace, Lord!”
Throughout my life, He never removed any obstacles or hardships but gave me enough strength to endure them. My faith was tested and tried to conform to His divine will, providential timeline, and to be OK with the many unknowns. There were many nights of crying and questioning His timing in front of the Blessed Sacrament, but I held on because I had to choose to believe in His faithfulness to me. Even though my head was trying to make sense of everything, my heart told me that this is the same God who loved and helped me overcome many trials and hardships in the past, so I must put my trust in Him who loved me more than I can ever know and understand! Thus, you can read some past reflections on how he helped me overcome the initial military training and period of being lost and not knowing anything in the uniform side of life, but I made it all through with His grace.
I truly believe with all my heart and soul, and even though I might not be the best student, graduate, or officer according to military standards, I will never give up and survive whatever is being thrown at me. I am not the best and fittest with all the physical aptitude metrics, and I am struggling every day to exercise, keep my weight in check, and hopefully continue to pass the given (changing) standards as I get older, and my body is breaking apart. I dislike the military bureaucracy, its overcomplication of things, and its shallow focus on metrics, but I am grateful for the opportunity to be in so many hard situations to accompany people who had no other places to turn to. I had been put into very hard situations where everyone looked at me and basically said, “Chaplain, do something!” I had to learn to be both kind and straightforward, compassionate and honest, toward people who had done very harmful things in the eyes of the law, moral code, and social standards, to help them to see the signs to change their lives.
I love being a priest for our military families because everything finally clicked as I understand why I could never integrate my former parishioners who were attending Mass at our civilian parishes. I remembered being so discouraged and baffled at why I could never get our civilian parishioners to fully embrace and welcome our active-duty families as our own. It opened my eyes to see (from the other side) the challenges our military families are facing as they move from one permanent station to the next! I now understand why it is important to have an on-base Catholic community because our military members and their families will never be at home or fully welcomed at civilian parishes.
There are definite reservations from the civilians to build a relationship because they know these people will move in a short time, as well as reservations from the military side because they do not want to be too invested for fear of getting emotionally hurt when it is time to move on! In a civilian parish, people tend to be clickish and worry about protecting their turf because it took them a long time to get where they are. People tend to think that this is how things used to be, how we have always done things, or this is our parish (and not yours) because we have been here longer than you mentality. Thus, the protective or slower-to-integrate way of life often becomes the greatest obstacle for military families because they usually do not have enough time…
Furthermore, our military families need a faith community that will understand their particular challenges and is able to provide the necessary support that can only be understood within the military context, because civilians would not understand or quickly dismiss them. They need a parish that can understand, sympathize, and integrate them into the fold instead of making them jump through hoops and bounds to prove their worthiness! They need a spiritual family that they can lean on when their loved ones are deployed or on constant missions, because it is hard to figure out life by oneself at times.
Military life is messy, chaotic, and oftentimes filled with constant changes, so it is important to have a priest who can understand, accompany, and guide them through the ups and downs of life. They need a shepherd, father, pastor, and guide who understands the lingo, fears, reservations, and helps them through uncertain times, as well as to challenge them to go beyond the military-centered comfort zones and bubble-up world. Furthermore, wearing the uniform allows us to go into places where our service members work to care for them in ways that are beyond the typical norms, bounds, and approaches. It is almost like missionary works in planting seeds of faith, hope, and love for those who might have nothing or little to no understanding of anything bigger or higher than themselves because they were never exposed to it, resented it because of how they were raised, or simply running away from the truth because they are scared that they would have to change their lives.
Military ministry is busy because we, as priests, would have to wear the chaplain and officer hats on top of our priestly duties. I am grateful that I do not have to worry about day-to-day facility management, financial administration, and fundraising efforts. They are there, but the military takes care of most of those maintenance expenses and efforts; however, the real stress is with navigating and coordinating the unnecessarily complex steps, hoops, and red tape to get things done. The discouragement comes in different ways, as we oftentimes have to work with higher leadership that does not understand why we do the things we do as Catholics. That, many times, can create unnecessary obstacles and hindrances because they can argue their non-necessity (according to military standards or whatever understanding they made for themselves) and require us to be more focused on the tactical and operational side of the house. Many times, I believe the Chaplain Corps, or at least many senior members, have forgotten who we are called to be and worry about making themselves relevant and successful in their career, thus easier fun uncles and aunts to only do highly visible or easy things that get the numbers, but forgetting to care for souls.
Unlike civilian ministry, our day is oftentimes occupied with counseling sessions and leadership meetings. We definitely do more counseling in the military for service members and their loved ones than civilian priests with their parishioners! We also have to sit in bureaucratic meetings because they are required to build relationships and gain expertise through information and knowledge to better advise commanders and senior leaders. Many of those things are boring and unproductive, but we still have to be there because it is a written requirement. I often complain about having to waste my time with those matters, but I also understand that I have to embrace the suck by doing the things that I do not like in order to be afforded opportunities to do the things I love in order to take care of people.
It is a constant struggle that I still try to reconcile and embrace the creative tension each and every day. I love being a Catholic… I love being a Catholic priest… I love being a Catholic priest in the military, serving our service members and their families… I love being a Catholic priest and chaplain, finding creative ways to bring hope, faith, and love to our people who might have little or none of that… However, I struggle with how the military continually fails to see the value of what we bring to the fight and constantly dismisses how spiritual strength, fitness, and resiliency are value-added in the total warfighting domain. It saddens me that we are oftentimes treated as an ancillary or afterthought. Nonetheless, leaders often wonder why people break down on the job or break apart on the mission, even though they did everything “right” according to checklist-driven readiness matters. Leaders oftentimes become lost or baffled when things do not go their way, even though they all make sense on paper, because they have forgotten to be aware and treat their people like people instead of metric-based data points.
We all have good intentions to love God, but our spirits are dreary and tired at times. The journey is long, so it is easy to lose heart and lose focus on the final destination. That is why the Sacrament of Reconciliation is not something to dread or avoid at all costs, but a wonderful gift of grace to receive divine forgiveness and be sustained on the Way toward Him. It is important to give thanks and focus on the positive blessings that the Lord has done in our lives. Problems, issues, and things can go wrong or will not go our way, but those are always wonderful moments of growth, prayer, and resiliency to overcome, survive, and thrive under pressure and challenge. I pray that my sharing with you a lot of my experiences today, not to focus on myself, but hopefully give you some food for thought in seeing how you can pray for us, your priests, in our daily ministry — whether in a civilian or military setting. Second, to remember that God will always give us enough grace to endure and overcome if we continue to be grateful and open to His love. Indeed, it has always been the same loving God, the One who loved and helped us to overcome past challenges, who continues to give us enough strength to endure our everyday ups and downs in the present moment as well as the future.
May God be praised now and forever!