A question often gotten raised when people ask me about my priestly ministry is, “What has the priesthood afforded or given you?” On top of what many would like to know about loneliness, what I do on a daily or weekly basis, or unique experiences, people seem to like to know what priestly ministry offers to those who are discerning the vocation or possibility of answering the call. As we are about to wrap up the month of the Rosary, I would like to write a small reflection on the priesthood as I contemplate and give thanks for the opportunities that the Lord has provided me through His Church. Even though they were all things that I would have never imagined, they have all taught me what it means to seek God’s will and allow Him to use me as His instrument — all with the help of the Blessed Mother and the saints along the way, too.
Contrary to popular beliefs of a life that is filled with passionate pursuit of desires and wants, the priesthood can be “boring” and unappealing at times. We are not called to a life to do whatever we want, because it is not simply a job, career, or passion to be pursued. As stated, it is a calling from the Lord, and our life is that very personal response to His invitation. At times, we are called to persevere in being faithful to do things that might not be too fun according to the younger generations, inspirational, or appealing to the professional crowds. There are days when it feels like we are doing administrative, management, or office duties that seem to be mind-numbing, but they have to be done as good stewards of His gifts and talents from His people and for His people.
Even though I never doubted who I am as a priest, I have to learn to mature and grow in my own pastoral experiences and identity to better minister and care for people. I have to admit that, like many young priests, I thought I was capable and had enough experience from life and seminary formation to face the world and change the Church. Boy, was I wrong! I had to learn to be level-headed, cool and calm in my demeanor, as well as kind and gentle in how I care for people, especially to find the right language and personal style to approach the different situations and audiences.
— I think these life experiences have been very long past and old enough now that I can share them with you as moments of grace and growth —
Within the first few weeks of my arrival as the parochial vicar, I had to learn to deal with leaking roof and water damage problems caused by an unforeseen storm. The pastor was on vacation in a remote location, so it was not easy to get clear communication. When I texted him what had happened and what I was planning to do, he texted back, “It sounds like you have a good plan — I have confidence in you.” I had to learn how to find ways to remediate the water damage, as well as to work with insurance to find a good solution to not escalate the damage and find an amicable repair solution that was permitted by their assessment. Anyone who has worked with diocesan insurance people knows that the coverage is very limited and not much will be paid in comparison to what needs to be done (since we are essentially self-insured through a collaborative funding system, so there is only so much money to be allotted throughout the year).
After that incident, I developed a good relationship with our parish’s business manager. We worked together to find ways to cut costs, take care of needed maintenance works, and have some leftover for savings. The next two years helped me learn a lot in finance and administration because we had many staff turnover: our business manager was retiring, we had a new one to be trained into the job, and we lost a facility manager in the midst of many things that needed to be handled with unresolved maintenance matters. On top of all of that, the pastor and I agreed to embark on a capital campaign journey to pay down our outstanding building debt. It was definitely an interesting project because I had to learn how to engage, present, as well as make necessary adjustments to our desired plan in light of what the pastor was comfortable with and how he thought the people responded to the campaign. I also learned how generous people are, too, if they really trust that you care for the parish!
One lesson that I have learned early on in my own priesthood is that the people of God really do not care about how grand your plan or project is. They do not care much about intrigue blueprints, plans, numbers, or contingencies… they only care if they trust us and how we use their hard-earned donations! I applied that lesson again when I was named parochial administrator of three parishes in the Texoma region of my civilian Diocese. Even though the previous pastor had a grand plan set in place and wanted me to execute it for him, I told him no because the timing was not right, and I wanted to have time to build relationships first. Contrary to his liking, I made necessary changes to the liturgical practices of our parishes and slowly began to put money into savings in preparation for the big renovation project.
The supporters and collaborators of the previous pastor did not like how I run the parishes because his style and my style were vastly different! I do not do favoritism and try to reach out to all people instead of the influential movers and shakers or bigger donors. I set a three-year vision of how I would like our parishes to live our faith in community and through acts of service to others. With a slow, prudential, and paced approach, I was able to save enough money before beginning the needed renovation project of the Parish Hall at my biggest parish.
That particular experience taught me so much about building as well as fundraising. It taught me how to navigate through both the civil as well as diocesan processes of how to bring a building project and its loan from beginning to completion. I did my homework every step of the way. I presented the needs as well as the financial numbers to our people, as well as to the Diocese, in securing the loan. I set up a building committee to guide and provide feedback to me, but what was neat was that I was able to learn to be meticulous and strong when dealing with construction managers and workers.
I remembered walking the job site every day so I could be on top of what was going on. If there was something wrong, I needed to learn to address it right away before it got brushed off or dismissed. I had to muster the courage to say, “It’s your mistake, so you’ll have to pay for that decision because I won’t pay for it!” Nonetheless, it was important because I had to be a good steward of people’s contributions in making sure that we do not go over our budget and that things get done right. While that project was a good learning experience, I also gained a lot of grey hair and weight in the process.
Financially speaking, we were operating with less than 25-30% of our budget. That is just the truth when one has a capital campaign and building project, because we can only expect so much from people! I had to find ways to be very prudent and trim down our spending. Any extra money we had, we focused on paying down the building loan as fast as possible. I was praying a lot that things would go well, and we would pay everything off before the five-year loan term. Nonetheless, this was where I was shocked and surprised by people’s generosity when they feel that they are part of the process.
One generous family came to me one day and simply said, “Father, we know this project and its loan repayment have been weighing a lot on your shoulders. We were blessed in recent days, so please let us know how much you need to repay the loan. We would love to take this burden off of you because you worked hard for us … and there is no need to recognize us in any way, shape, or form because this is our parish, too.” I did not expect that and was genuinely shocked by the surprising outpour of generosity. As a matter of fact, through that generous donation and others who gave the best that they could that we were able to pay everything off in less than three years! The diocesan finance office was surprised when I gave them a call and asked for the final payment amount way ahead of the five-year term.
Only a few years later, we were able to begin an endowment fund to establish the long-term legacy and maintenance care of the parish. A dear parishioner left a bequest, and I was able to use that money to begin the process, and others stepped in to match the amount, so we can take care of the parish in the long run beyond the typical operational and savings amounts. That was in itself another learning experience! Again, I was grateful and amazed by what we all can do as a community.
While occupied with many important decisions at one parish, I also had to deal with a deacon who was assigned to my other two parishes for a very long time. He was the administrator for many years and was having a hard time letting go! I had to make many important financial and administrative corrections, which did not go well with him. All of a sudden, I began to receive many anonymous letters accusing me of destroying the communities. They were also sent to the chancery office, too.
To be honest, the first two years were very hard with constant accusations from an anonymous source (apparently, sent to parishioners as well). I was being questioned and bombarded with so much resistance from the people because they do not know the full story of why important decisions had to be made, so we can be more transparent, accountable, and properly spend people’s hard-earned donations. That was truly a hard cross to bear, but I had to pray to be kind, forgiving, as well as patient toward those who falsely accused, might not understand, or misunderstood me. I learned a lot of humility and patience through that one experience. I prayed a lot throughout the process and had to learn to be humble and persevere in doing what is right! I knew that I could not change people’s views and presumptions, but I can be true to myself and care for them as their parish priest. I could only hope and pray that my true intention will be known in the long run.
As human beings, we want to be liked by others. We want to be recognized and welcomed by those who are around us, especially if we do our best to serve and be who we are to the people around us. Nonetheless, misunderstandings and hurts are unavoidable parts of life, ones that are way beyond our control! Not everyone will like or agree with us, no matter how much we try our best. We will be wrongly accused, disliked, unwelcome, hated, or scapegoated by others. Even though it will hurt so much, it is part of life because we are all broken people. It is humbling to persevere and be true to ourselves even though there will be people who try to blame us or gaslight the truth. It hurts, but we cannot let others’ opinions and actions change or deter us from who we are deep within. There will be people who will try to shame us for not fitting their standards or not being good enough to be this or that person that they want us to be. There will be those who guilt us by making us look like we are being petty, disobedient, or self-centered because we stand firm and true to who we are instead of falling into their manipulative traps. It is hard to be humble while we are being belittled, being true to ourselves while being blamed, but those are the real moments to learn meekness and humility from the Lord.
The only One who will know us is the Lord; therefore, we have to be true to ourselves as we stand vulnerable and transparent toward Him. Even with our best intentions, we have to remember that we learn humility in not being liked or accepted by others. At times like those, we have to dig deeper within ourselves to know that true meekness and humility are not weak qualities, for we have to be strong, firmly grounded, true, and genuine with ourselves and who we are without having to prove ourselves, being pretentious and puffed up, or blaming others.
Who I am as a priest never changed, but how I understand, approach, and try to minister to people have grown a lot through the different trials, tribulations, pains, sufferings, as well as opportunities, blessings, and lessons in life. I learned to be flexible in order to adjust to the different challenges in life, but also be firm in standing tall with who I am without letting other people tell me who I need to be. I needed to learn to accept that I cannot be welcomed, accepted, or liked by all, but I can only do what is real, true, and genuine as I stand vulnerable and transparent before God, who is my true Judge. I had to learn to take beatings and accusations in humility, but also at the same time, being wise in making decisions and finding ways not to be scapegoated by those who lied or manipulated the truth to fit their own agenda, control, and desire.
What I have learned in my formative years as a parish priest continues to help me in my own ministry as a military chaplain. Even though the environment and culture are different, people and their humanistic ways of thinking are the same everywhere because of our brokenness. There will always be people who try to manipulate, control, humiliate, or scapegoat others in order to glorify themselves and build their own kingdoms at the cost of others. There will always be unforeseen challenges and trials that arise from the storms of life, but we can only respond to them with the strength that comes from the Lord. Even though the misunderstandings and challenges will not be gone in a short time or as we would have liked, and we might have to endure them for a good while, too, may we learn to persevere, grow, and remain true to ourselves in the midst of all the wrongdoings and trials of life.
Truly, the priesthood has afforded me many opportunities to grow in my own priestly ministry; they have all taught me to remain the same and true to who I am… and for that, I am grateful for His never-ending, everlasting, and faithful love. I am who I am, and I am here today only for one reason, because He called me and I cannot do anything else except to respond to His love. This is why I am a priest, and this is why I am willing to learn to love Him throughout the different seasons, moments, and chapters in life.
Please pray for me as I remain faithful to Him… and please be assured of my prayers for you as you remain faithful to who you are and what He has called you to be.