St. John of the Cross once said, “Never give up prayer, and should you find dryness and difficulty, persevere in it for this very reason. God often desires to see what love your soul has, and love is not tried by ease and satisfaction.” Those words are indeed hard to process as well as counter-cultural to our post-modern standards of freedom, stability, and pursuit of euphoric pleasure, satisfaction, and happiness. Nonetheless, it contains the wisdom that can only be learned through trials and errors, hardships, and real-life experiences of what it means to persevere and grow in true, genuine, and unadulterated love for the One who first loves us.
It is very easy to come to prayer when things go right. It is easy to feel positive when the weather is good, and life is going well. Nonetheless, we know those things are never permanent, just as the weather changes and life has its ups and downs. St. John of the Cross experienced a lot of hardships and resistance when he collaborated with St. Teresa of Avila to reform the Carmelites. He was imprisoned and locked away by his own community because they were too tired of him. He was living in darkness and all alone, and that trying period shaped his own spirituality and helped him pen the popular term that we nowadays often use for the dry and dark period of our spiritual life — dark nights of the soul.
Humanly speaking, we know that the lack of sunlight and darkness are really detrimental to the body. People who live in the isolated lands up north can testify, and statistics confirm their struggles, that darkness plays a significant role in causing anxiety, depression, and other dependency or addictive means to fill the void that is caused by isolation and loneliness. I can testify to the lack of motivation and desire to do anything when I was stationed up in the northernmost part of the Arctic Circle! The first few days were definitely trying because the time and weather difference messed me up from my usual routine. On top of that, the 24 hours of darkness threw me off because my body and psyche could not register what time it was outside, and I kept wanting to rest somehow. Nonetheless, I knew that I had to establish some types of routine to keep myself sane and disciplined; I could spiral down and lose control of myself very fast, just like many service members at the installation.
There is a running joke at the installation where I was assigned that one will end up locking themselves in their room, drinking themselves to sleep and passing the days with alcoholic spirits, or end up going to the gym often. Of course, there are other morale-boosting activities throughout the week to help keep people motivated, connected, and bring them out of their rooms, too, but nothing works unless the person is willing to engage with those opportunities. Even though I did not go to the general gym, I made time to exercise every day when I wake up. To be honest, I kept wanting to sleep a little bit more when my alarm goes off every day because outside was always dark. Nevertheless, I knew that I had to get up, do my run and cardio exercises, and go to the office to keep a set routine that gives me comfort and stability in the midst of a time when there is no distinctive day and night.
The same concept can be applied in our own spiritual life, especially when we are going through a dry period or experience some types of desolation, because we know that we need consistency, perseverance, faithfulness, and discipline in order to keep ourselves grounded and not spiral into chaos. In the same way, too, we have seen and read about how different people come to experience the Lord’s healing and love in the Sacred Scriptures as well as our human history! It is ironic that the Gospel often described Him being with and surrounded by a lot of people, but how many of those who were in the crowd really encountered Him? So many of them saw and came into contact with Him, but none of them seemed to experience any transformation or receive healing, as if they were just there as spectators and bystanders, but never opened themselves up to understand and put their faith in Him.
It has always been the people who suffered a lot, isolated and pushed away by society, or deemed to be unworthy by their peers and society, who wanted to truly encounter Jesus with faith. Imagine how isolated and lonely they must have been for many years! Nonetheless, our good Lord always seems to see, seek, and choose to encounter those who have been left in darkness. They endured much guilt, shame, and disgrace, but they never gave up… They kept on going until the time was right for the good Lord to bring them healing and transform their lives.
So, we must be like those who sought Him in the Sacred Scriptures as well as following the example of the saints who abided, persevered, and stayed with Him through all of their hardships and trials. I preach to myself first because I know that it is not easy! It really hurts. Nevertheless, we must never let darkness, desolation, trials, and hardships be the definitive reality of our faith journey. There will and have to be days of darkness and stormy weather just as there are days of sunshine and good climate.
There is no greater call than Jesus’ call to discipleship. It is a calling that requires nothing less than our entire lives. But as all-encompassing as this call is, it is also the most fulfilling call we will ever receive. It is hard and not for the faint-hearted, spectators, or by-standing crowd members, because He is inviting us to be His disciples. He knows how much we want to follow Him, and He also knows how much we continue to struggle with our own everyday conflicts and trials. He sees and understands, and that is why, day after day, He offers to walk with us and offer us His grace. He promises all of His love, compassion, and grace to help us because this is a lifetime journey toward our heavenly homeland.
To abide means to find our home, to make our place of belonging and abode with the Lord. It is much more than a physical place or building, not just a place of refuge and rest from our human labors, but a source of consolation, strength, and restoration for us. It is a place where we are fed and nourished by His loving presence — even at times we do not recognize Him — when we choose to return home to Him. He is truly our refuge from the storms of life, our refreshment when we are anxious and feeling worn thin, and our source of inner nourishment when we are beaten down, emptied, and weakened by this world’s trials and hardships. We are called to abide in Jesus, so that He abides in us! Even in our darkest time, He continues to be present and nourishes us with His love if we keep coming to Him.
Even if we feel like we have been abandoned, rejected, isolated, and pushed away by others, He sees us and never takes His eyes off us. Therefore, when our hearts are troubled or rejoicing, never stop coming to Him because He desires to love us in unpretentious and simple ways. Therefore, let us not give up and give in to thinking that we are not loved, all alone, rejected, and abandoned by all when we are going through hardships, trials, facing pains and sufferings, because darkness is never the definitive end of our spiritual journey. Let us keep focused on fulfilling our spiritual discipline and never stop coming to Him, knowing that He is always there and will give us sufficient grace to overcome the ups and downs of life.