To be honest with you, even though I am indebted to St. Ignatius of Loyola and his wonderful gift to the Church with the Spiritual Exercises, I am not a big fan of many Society of Jesus priests who think very highly of themselves. Even though I had met some wonderful and holy Jesuits, I think many of them have fallen into the easy trap of thinking they are searching and living for the greater glory of God, but have easily fallen into the greater glory of themselves. I am not trying to scapegoat or blame them alone because we all struggle to keep our pride and its sneaky ways wanting to twist God‘s will and conform it to our own little egocentric narratives. Nonetheless, there is an American Jesuit by the name of Fr. Walter Ciszek that I came to respect and adore because of his willingness to abandon his will to God; therefore, I would like to share some of his thoughts today as we prepare for the Sacred Triduum.
As I said earlier, it is so easy to seek our own self-glorification behind the motivation for the greater glory of God. It is often the Devil who hides himself in the details and behind the good desire if we do not keep our ego in check! Seeking, living, and doing God‘s will is extremely hard because no one likes to suffer or lose control of their lives. As I said earlier, I do not agree with some of the popular and influential Jesuit thinkers because I believe they say all the right things but rarely choose to die to themselves to seek the will of God. They can speak much about social justice, theological progress, and cutting-edge thinking behind the comfort of an academic setting or comfortable lifestyle, but are not willing to actually live, serve, and care for the poorest of the poor. Many of those figures have become armchair philosophers and thinkers saying all the right things, pushing all the right envelopes, and challenging all the right preconceptions, but their words and actions do not always align with one another. Perhaps I am a simple, uneducated, and grunt-style priest, but I cannot respect people whose words and actions do not go hand in hand with each other!
The missionary field is filled with many opportunities to care for souls and to seek the greater glory of God, but each of those opportunities has to be personally chosen, discerned, and put into action with true sacrifices. Fr. Walter shared similar sentiments in his book, With God in America, about his worries when seeing many of his Jesuits living lives of leisure, seeking their own self-glorification, staying within their own comfort zones, or simply giving lip service without making personal choices to die to themselves and seek the Lord and His will for them. He came back to America during a period of many social changes and theological progress after years of imprisonment by the Soviets. He came back having had to endure many years of physical hardships in exchange for similar ones when he saw many of his Society of Jesus confreres making decisions or living lives that were not of St. Ignatius‘ original intent and older generations of Jesuits for the greater glory of God. He was scandalized and disheartened that the vows, especially one of complete obedience to the Holy Father, were only kept on the outside, but many hearts had lost the true and original intent of loving God at all costs.
In one of the chapters, he shared how he struggled throughout his imprisonment to stay faithful to the priesthood even though there were many temptations around him! He turned down many lucrative offers and tempting appeals to abandon the priesthood and underwent many trials and tribulations because he was deemed a spy for the Vatican. Furthermore, the people who he lived with could not understand why he would do such a thing… and he himself questioned the reason why many times, too, but it was his honesty, humility, faithfulness, and perseverance that kept him focused on Christ. He said,
I persisted in my belief in the priesthood and the infinite value of Mass, in spite of my incapacity to explain it all or of the lack of others’ interest. I said Mass in spite of not seeing any immediate value, profit, or satisfaction. I held on to the priesthood in spite of disadvantages: being deprived of an apartment, being looked upon as physically impotent. I did not respond to the love of women and was thus considered a man without a heart, cold—I was offended by this, suffered, for I knew my physical capacities, my violent character.
I firmly believed that if I forsook saying Mass, I would succumb and be unfaithful. I felt I did not belong to that society, I felt out of place with my spiritual conviction—they did not understand it, yet they respected me. I said Mass, though unworthy, so as not to lose faith. I prayed to the Blessed Mother and complained, for I have made mistakes. I never, however, depreciated the priesthood, Mass, the spiritual life, religion. I suffered, yet I felt something superior in me that elevated me above it all—atheism, hatred for religion; the system could not satisfy me, not enough. [. . .] I feared being unfaithful and saw no hope for the future, yet I believed in God’s Providence.
I can sympathize with what Father went through with my own (limited) years of priestly ministry. I am not fully perfect in any way, shape, or form, but it has been the Mass and my sense of duty and responsibility that kept me focused on Him and helped me persevere in my own faith journey. I had seen many of my own diocesan and seminary classmates, as well as other priests I had come to know along the way, who left priestly ministry because they could no longer endure the pains and sufferings, trials and tribulations, or because the priesthood no longer fit their agenda or lifestyle. I had mourned for them and for their parishioners who were affected by the news. I had cried many tears. I had questioned God why I am still here. Nonetheless, I continue to persevere because this priesthood is not mine, but His, and He tested me through those trying times so I can keep things simple in loving Him. I am also very grateful for the wonderful guides and friends who patiently loved, wisely directed, and gently steered me on the right path so I can continue to be faithful to what He has called me to be as His priest. It, indeed, takes good friends to keep us along the way!
Father said in a sermon to a group of sisters on the virtue of generosity:
He and he alone is our reward exceedingly great; no physical comfort, no thing, no person can ever truly fill our lives. The emptiness we often feel in our lives, the just hunger and longing, can be filled only by him. He made us especially for himself, and our hearts and minds must be restless until they rest in him. Your vocation is to give: Your life in your work, Your heart in your love, Your soul in your prayer, Your hopes, Your fears, Your joys, Your little loves, Your little pleasures, To give everything to Him. Take the one great leap in the dark. Give everything all over again, and you will find yourself once more the generous, loving, eager, happy woman who once threw her life with complete abandon into the deep, deep sea of Christ’s love.
Fr. Walter not only endured the harsh conditions and long years of imprisonment by the Communists, but he was also tested and tried by the Lord when his physical mobility and strength were affected by his own health failures:
On September 23, 1976, Walter Ciszek suffered, for the second time in a month, a major heart attack and cardiac arrest, which he miraculously survived. A registered nurse who was present remarked later how amazed she was that he had no residual effects at all; she added, “[It was] incredible, because he was not in good health to begin with.”
During the five hours he was unconscious, Walter Ciszek had a near-death experience that would determine the remaining years of his life; he had “come back” for a reason, and he firmly believed God’s providence made it happen.
I really wanted to get over to the other side, but nothing happened, [even though] I tried and tried. I was going into a deep depression when I saw I couldn’t get over, and my willful efforts were getting weaker and weaker. Then, when I became kind of frustrated, from nowhere it just happened that I felt infinite peace and, right after that, perfect reconciliation. The infinite peace I understood, but the perfect reconciliation I didn’t understand. Then, out of that [sensation], again I heard a voice speaking as if from eternity. It was a loud voice that filled the whole world with the splendorous light of eternity as it said, “I am going to cure you, and, at the same time, I am going to teach you how to live.”
“I am going to teach you how to be pure, how to be simple, how to be modest, how to be poor, obedient, prayerful, and believing. I am going to purify you, and, after that purification, I am going to enlighten and elevate you through compunction, sorrow, and repentance, by uniting you with me in my passion, in my suffering, sacrifice, reparation, and hope in the resurrection; all these together will be your act of love for me.”
The Lord again tested and tried him. Nonetheless, instead of self-pity and bitterness, he chose to live his life to the best as he was able! He refused to be angry and give in to hopelessness but chose to be God‘s simple presence by how he practices and lives the present moment to those whom he sent to serve. All who came to know him respected him, not only because of the stories they heard about him, but also because of the holiness, humility, patience, kindness, and care he gave to them. Indeed, Fr. Walter chose to live the little way like St. Therese of Lisieux by choosing simplicity, humility, and purity of heart by giving himself totally and completely to those who were around him.
It was not what he wanted, but He did not give up on loving and following the Lord. It was not what he desired, but the Lord used his physical failure to purify, sanctify, and transform him into a simple — but genuine — instrument of His love to all. Thus, Fr. Walter and his whole life became a great example of self-donation and sacrificial abandonment for the greater glory of God! He chose a way that was totally different than many of his Jesuit confreres at the time by living a hidden, simple, and faithful life instead of using his name and story to gain glory for himself. As a matter of fact, he taught a group of sisters a valuable lesson on the virtue of humility:
You see, only the humble man or woman can teach Christ, can give him and his love to others, because the proud man or woman just can’t really have Christ. The proud person is so filled with himself that there is no room for Christ. And I can’t in any way give what I do not have. I can’t give Christ if I don’t have him myself. The wonder of humility is that it teaches us that we are nothing: that we have nothing of ourselves to give to others; that no matter how brilliant or holy we are, all this is from God. If we try to think that we are giving ourselves, we are sounding brass and tinkling cymbals. But when we know that we are nothing, then Christ comes into our lives and fills us with himself, and we have the indescribably wonderful grace of giving Christ to other men and women, no matter what we are saying to them or what we are teaching.
He was that humble man, faithful priest, and powerful witness of love for Christ! Life continued to throw him many “lemons,” but he kept persevering, let go, and made room for the Lord, so his life was not for his own glory, but for the greater glory of God. He was countercultural because he dared not be noisy, attention-seeking, or self-serving but dared to preach the truth with his very own life of faithful and simple service. He chose a life of a nobody even though he had all the opportunities to be a somebody in the eyes of the world; yet, all those who came to know and love him experienced genuine love through him because he emptied himself so Christ could live in him and work through him.
Indeed, Fr. Walter sought the greater glory of God by dying to himself. That is why he is on the way to sainthood! It was never the path he chose for himself, but he chose Christ with every fiber of his being, abandoned his will to the One who loved Him, and was able to radiate that genuine, life-giving, and transformative love through his humility, purity, and simplicity of heart. I know this simple American Jesuit made a bigger impact on my life than all those who are popularly sought out by the mainstream media, treated like gods in the academic world, or who think very highly of themselves. Father impacted my life even though I never knew him personally… just like all those who guided me through their humble discernment of God‘s will and gentle spiritual guidance to Him in my very own life as well. Without a doubt, I pray that we all might imitate him and those who made a big impact in our lives, who might seem like nobodies in this world because they emptied themselves so Christ can live and possess everything of them.
Servant of God, Father Walter Ciszek, pray for us.